An April Fool's Day Story; The Jester's Audition

 

Jasper Jester was a comedian at a dangerous time to be one. The Middle Ages, in a small Kingdom, the Kingdom of Ridgerton. Because of its small size, it is one you have probably never heard of and was also one of the most tyrannical ones that existed. King Ridgerton was an heir of a feudal lord who was able to maintain his vast property and power when the Monarch of the greater empire subordinated all the other lords under his rule. In order to maintain this relative level of autonomy the Kingdom has always felt it necessary to maintain strict dominance over the peasants and serfs. This meant Jasper only had one chance to be able to be his comedic self, and that was to become the King's Jester. See Jesters were the only people that could get away with making jokes and not having to worry about being executed because their joke was a little too controversial. This is something Jasper has seen happen on more than one occasion. So he knew the only way to be himself and live his dream was to get the job of jester, a role he had dreamed of playing his whole life, a role he was born to play, a role he was literally named to play.

As it happens Jasper was in luck. He noticed a sign of yellowish parchment on a pole in the market by his home. It read; AUDITIONS FOR THE NEW COURT JESTER;  come by the castle in a fortnight and give your most entertaining act to King Ridgerton!  Upon reading this he ran back to his house. When he arrived, he said “I have the best news” his mother, Helga who was washing clothes in a bowl of muddy water said “What? Was the mutton on sale?” Jasper suddenly remembered he forgot to pick up the mutton he was sent to the market to get, he was too excited, he spoke “No, sorry I forgot that, but it's even better”- His mother interrupted “WHAT? You forgot the mutton, oh no they are gonna be out now, it is you fathers birthday, he saves all year so we can have meat this one night and you forget” Jasper responds “I know, I know I’m sorry, but this is better it could be an opportunity to eat mutton every night” “mutton every night? what are we gonna be royalty?” his mother asked sarcastically, before Jasper spoke excitedly “That’s what I’m trying to tell you, the King is holding auditions for a new court Jester, and I really think I have a chance, if I can just get to the castle in a fortnight, then”- his mother interrupted again “oh Jasper, I know you love your little jokes, but if you really think the King will, then you are a fool” Jasper says “So you agree I have a chance, oh thank you mom, I’m gonna go get ready, the trip to the castle will be long” as he gave his mom a side hug and a kiss on the cheek and went to the back of the shack to pack some stuff for the journey”

    Jasper planned on heading out that night though before he left his father got home. “Oh Henry, Jasper forgot the mutton and now has this crazy idea of becoming the court Jester, will you please tell him how foolish that is?” Helga screamed. Henry responded “Jesus Helga I just got home gimme a minute” Helga looked disturbed and said “I know I dropped this on you pretty fast and you are tired from your day but that is no reason to take our saviors name in vain” Henry “Replied ok, ok I’m sorry Helga” and gave her a kiss before continuing “So what is this about Jasper wanting to be a Jester?” “I don’t know he saw a poster in town and got so excited he forgot your mutton and” Helga was saying before Henry interrupted “well if he really did become the Jester we could be eating mutton every night” Jasper jumped in, smiling “That’s exactly what I said” Helga, looking irritated and flustered before continuing “don’t encourage him, he is too young, and although the neighbors love his little comedy routines the King has a very different sense of humor, and he might just execute Jasper on sight, is that what you want? For our son to be executed? “No of course not Helga” Henry said before being interrupted by Jasper “but mom that’s why I want to do this the risk is lower for Jesters” “lower but still very much present”. The exchange between Jasper and his mom resulted in raised voices and Henry spoke louder than any of them “OK OK JUST CALM DOWN”. Helga, just about in tears, begged “Oh please" Henry tell him how foolish this is. ""Well, it is foolish, but for a jester that’s half the job” Henry said as he smirked, and Jasper laughed as Helga stormed off.

    Jasper headed out that night with a few blankets, some nuts, and a torch in hand he began walking the dark trail toward the castle. He walked all night and all day till the next night when he got tired. He noticed a man sitting next to a small campfire. The man was roasting some pheasant on a stick over the fire. He moved one of the sticks with a roasted pheasant on it to Jasper and asked, “would you like some pheasant?” Jasper was surprised and thought for a moment. He only had nuts, so he said “yes, please, thank you” as he took the stick and sat next to the man. After taking a bite, he said “my name is Jasper” “good to meet you Jasper, I am Democratus” the man said. “Nice to meet you Democratus and thank you for the pheasant. It is really good, most people wouldn’t just offer a stranger meat,” Jasper said. “Would they not?” Democratus wondered, Jasper shook his head as Democratus continued “well that is a shame, man should look out for each other, after all who else will?” Jasper answered, “the King I suppose” “ah yes but the King is a man but only one man and how is one man supposed to adequately look out for hundreds of men?” Jasper shrugged as he finished his pheasant and Democratus continued “men need to look out for men and not rely on one man to rule” “but then who leads?” Jasper wondered “when leadership is necessary men will decide who to follow” Democratus answered. “What men?” Jasper asked, “all men” Democratus answered with a smile, “but peasants couldn’t decide who to lead” Jasper replied before Democratus asked “why not?” Jasper answered, “because peasants suck at being King” “sure, but the King sucks at being a peasant” Democratus replied as Jasper gasped. He had never heard one so unafraid of speaking so bluntly about the King, even still the thought stuck with him, the King does kinda suck at being a peasant, and that kinda makes sense, of course the King would be just as bad at being a peasant as a peasant would at being a king. He went to sleep with this thought still reeling in his mind.

    The next morning Jasper offered Democratus some nuts, but he refused saying “no you keep those” and even giving him another pheasant for the trip. As they said their goodbyes Jasper kept trekking through the woods. He was well fed and well rested, so he was able to walk a few days straight this time. As it began to rain, he came across a wagon with a colorful sign on it that read Al Chemist THE ALCHEMIST! Jasper knocked on the back door of the wagon and instantly the door swung open. “Hello there young lad come in, come in, before you get soaked” an odd-looking man said enthusiastically. He was wearing a long red coat black pants and a large black top hat with a red ribbon tied around it. Jasper went inside and said thank you sir I am-” The odd man put two fingers on his temple and interrupted saying “you are Jasper, Jasper Jester, on your way to audition for the job of your namesake” Jasper’s mouth was wide open in surprise before he spoke “yes, yes how did you know?” “My psychic potion” the odd man said as he held up a small vial of blue liquid. You see I am Al Chemist the alchemist and this is my laboratory” he continued loudly as he moved aside and motioned his arm as if to show it off.” Jasper looked around and noticed a bunch of stuff, but the most prevalent thing was snakes, all kinds, vipers, gardener, cobras, even a few Jasper had never seen before. He gulped and said in a surprised and frightened tone “snakes, why so many snakes?” Al answered “that’s how I make my potions, see snakes are a magical breed, their oils can do damn near everything, for example this one here produces an oil that allows me to glimpse the minds of men, that is how I knew your name” he said motioning to a gardener snake before continuing “And if you mix some of that with some of the vipers special secretions you get this potion” He took out two vials of red liquid taped together. “What are they?” Jasper asked. “I call it the other's shoes, a drop of your blood in one and a friends in the other, rub on your feet and you will become each other, know what the other is thinking and how they are feeling, walk in their shoes so to speak” Al answered. Jasper was in aww and continued to talk to the man long into the night until the sun came up the next morning. Before Jasper left Al said “here take this on the house” as he handed Jasper a vial of green liquid. Jasper said, “thanks but what is it?” “That one is called liquid laugh, just one swig and everything you say will be the funniest thing anyone has ever heard, don’t get me wrong your chances are high without it, but with it, they are guaranteed” Al answered with a wink a smile a nod and a tip of the hat. “Thank you” Jasper said with a bow as he took the potion and continued on his journey.

    Jasper soon gets to a place where he can see the castle. Tired and with time to spare he sits by a stream, leans against a tree to rest as he is very tired from his journey. After a short rest he begins to scoop some water in his hands to drink before a man yells “STOP!” Jasper looks up and sees a short stubby man walking briskly toward him. As the man gets closer Jasper asks “why?” the man responds “I have been investigating a string of illnesses in the area and that stream is the only common denominator, I believe it has tiny bugs in it making people sick if you look closely, you can see them” the man responds. Jasper looks at the water closely and then says, “I don’t see anything” the man responds, “you’re not looking close enough here” as he takes out a small telescope like thing and hands it to Jasper saying “look” Jasper looks and sees squiggly white lines swimming through the water. “OHH” Jasper screams as he leaps back in disgust. “If you are thirsty, you can drink this” the man hands Jasper a tin of water and continues “I just boiled that, I think the heat kills the bugs as I don’t see them in this. Jasper looks at the boiled water through the scope and sure enough no white lines. “Thank you” Jasper says as he takes the tin and swallows the water. The man says, “no problem, I wouldn’t want any more people to get sick, I’m Logrick by the way, what’s your name?” “I am Jasper” Jasper responds as he gulps down the last bit of water. “Good to meet you Jasper, so what brings you out here?” Logrick asks. “I am on my way to audition for the role of Court Jester” Jasper responds. “Oh well then it is a good thing you didn’t drink that water I don’t think the King would find being thrown up on very amusing at all” “ya, probably not” Jasper said with a laugh before continuing “how did you know the water was making people sick?” “well you see I was trying to figure out what the patients all had in common, as they were all types of very different people, I was at a loss until I realized this stream was the common water source for the castle and I knew that telescopes could help you see far away, so I thought maybe they could help me see very close, so I made this small one and looked at multiple samples of the water and noticed those worm like things in all of them, this led me to wonder where else they might be, that’s where I was when I noticed you, looking at different things, and I have to tell you they are everywhere. I think these tiny bugs might be why so many get sick”. 

Jasper was stunned and said “wow, have you considered snakes?” “Snakes? For what?” Logrick wondered “as a cure, see I met this Alchemist named Al Chemist and he told”- Logrick was shaking his head as he interrupted “oh no no, I know of who you speak, a nice guy, but a con artist, I have studied snakes, their oils can soften the skin but that’s about it, these alchemist medicine men sell promises of magic with no realistic backing. And even at best they are inferior methods of doing the mundane, like snake oil may soften the skin as I said, but it also stinks, much better to use the cheaper, sweeter honey” Jasper said well I don’t know he had some potion he called the other’s shoes said it could help people understand each other's thoughts and feelings, with merely a drop of blood, that sounds like it could be quite useful” Logrick looked confused and said “indeed it could, but I am a bit confused, don’t we already do that through language and communication? Isn’t that what we are doing now while neither of us bleed? Jasper thought about that as he walked with Logrick. 

    Soon they arrived at a small shack, Logrick opened the door and said, “come in, come in, make yourself at home.” Jasper followed Logrick inside the dinghy cabin. It was a mess full of interesting gizmos and gadgets, he saw telescopes of all different sizes, bottles full of an array of liquids, a fireplace with pots and pans over it, next to a counter with a bowl full of bright red and green apples, a pile of colorful fabrics, underneath of which there was a rusty old unicycle, and a desk with a candle, piles of parchment next to a quill pen and ink dish. Logrick handed Jasper a bowl and said “here” Jasper looked at it and smelt it, it smelt of sweet spice and fruit. “Thanks, what is it?” He asked, “I mashed up some apples from my trees out back, mixed in some flavorful leaves and some bark of a tree that smelt rather unique, like a spicy sweet, as well as a little honey, I call it apple sauce, I don’t know, I like it, tell me what you think”. Jasper took a bite, and his eyes widened, it was the sweetest thing he had ever tasted, tart, tangy, and just a little spicy. Then he spoke “This very well might be the best thing I have ever had, I must get the recipe, my mom would love this” “well you can take as many of those apples as you want I have plenty on the trees out back and come by tomorrow after your audition and I will show you how to identify the right other plants and such.” “Thanks, I definitely will, those apples would also be perfect for my act” “of course take anything you need”. After he finished his applesauce, he looked around, found a faded green and red shirt with a heart on the right sleeve, and came across that unicycle. “Can I use this stuff for my act? he asked “of course, like I said anything you need, also you are welcome to stay here for the night” Logrick replied “thank you so much with this stuff and that liquid laugh that Al gave me I’ll be a shoe in” Logrick rolled his eyes and said “you're either a shoe in or you're not, but that snake oil laughing potion won’t do a thing, except for maybe soften your hands” Jasper smiled and said well maybe soft hands is exactly what I need, I’ll have the softest hands of any of the peasants there and win on that alone” Logrick laughed and said “touche”.

    The next morning Jasper wrote some notes on the parchment and got his stuff together, as Logrick made them both another bowl of applesauce. As Jasper buttoned up the shirt, he had found he asked, “do you mind if I take your quill with me in case, I think of more to write as I am waiting, I will bring it back after and you can show me those tricks to identifying the plants?” Logrick said “not at all I wish you luck” “thank you very much, for everything, you’ve been incredibly kind” Jasper responded as he put the parchment and quill in his pocket, and began heading out the door before Logrick hollered “wait one more thing” as he ran over to Jasper before continuing “put your hands out” Jasper was confused, but did as Logrick dropped some honey from a spoon on them, still looking confused Logrick said with a smile “rub that in and you’ll have the softest and sweetest smelling hands of any peasant there, then you’ll be a shoe in for sure, no snake oil needed” Jasper laughed rubbed his hands together and said “touché”. As he approached the castle, he got nervous, which wasn’t helped when some guards yelled “HALT who goes there?” “Jasper Jester, here for the, well the jester auditions” Jasper answered “very well follow me” one of the guards said as the draw bridge came down and they walked through the castle courtyard into a small room full of other peasants in colorful attire, Jasper began to feel underdressed, one of the others there even had a hat with little bells on it, well at least none of them have soft hands that smell like honey he thought.

As the auditions started Jasper watched as the others performed, riding unicycles, juggling, and miming, but none were saying anything, no bits, no routines, just acts. That gave him an idea as he reached into his pocket, pulled out the parchment and quill and began to write about all the people he had met and the ideas he had heard. Jasper was the last to go on. He rode the unicycle out into the courtyard surrounded by noble lords and ladies and King Ridgerton above all front and center of course. As he rode the unicycle, he took a deep breath and thrust up and hopped the unicycle like a one-wheel wheelie. The crowd gasped and cheered which calmed Jasper down as he took out his apples and began juggling them, as he did, he let them fall into his mouth where he would take a bite and toss them back up with his head one at a time, until all the apples were cores. The crowd cheered, but the king seemed bored. 

After that he spoke “hey all I’m Jasper Jester, no relation” the crowd laughed and even the king chuckled as he continued “anyway gonna do something a little different here see I had quite the journey getting here and I would like to share that story with you. First I met a man, he was named Democratus, he offered me pheasant out of nowhere, and to you that might not sound like a lot, but as someone who grew up eating meat once a year and forgot it this year, believe me it was quite a treat” The crowd continued to laugh and cheer and even the king was beginning to perk up. Jasper continued “anyway we had some interesting discussions, touchy ones, see this man questioned the King, I know I know but here me out, see he wasn’t so much questioning the King's authority as he was the authority of the everyman. I told him that peasants suck at being King and believe me I know I’ve lived with them all my life, and well don’t tell anyone this, but I am one shh” the laughs continued to get louder and more consistent especially from the King. Jasper went on, “so ya peasants do suck at being king, and the king sucks, at being a peasant, you gotta let me finish or this is gonna sound real bad” The laughter continued getting more and more hysterical as Jasper continued his story. “And ya why wouldn’t he? see us peasants, shh, we aspire to be royalty, and I wonder what do you, the royals aspire too, it isn’t to be peasants is it? Cause if it is I gotta say, aim higher, it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.” The crowd was laughing and even the King was chuckling and smiling more consistently than he ever had as Jasper continued “Then I met this other man, well an alchemist, are they men? I don’t really know, any way he was named Al Chemist, a little on the nose but hey that's coming from a Jester named Jasper Jester so who am I to talk, any way this guy had snakes, like all kinds of snakes, I didn’t even know god made that many snakes and honestly I doubt if god even remembers making all of them. Anyway, he read my mind, apparently with gardener snake oil, then he showed me this other potion, he said that it, with merely a drop of some blood could make people perfectly understand how others feel and what they think, this sounded impressive to me until I realized, we already have a way of doing that right? Communication through language, it is arguably what I am doing here, minus the blood, your welcome”. This got an audible laugh from the King who at this point could not stop smiling. That’s what the third guy I met told me, he has this crazy idea that people get sick from invisible bugs in the water and stuff, like what? But he backs this up, I saw them, white worm like things, quite gross, boil your water, it’s gonna catch on trust me even the peasants will start doing it no time, but ya this Al Chemist guy, great dude, no hate, but he just sells this snake oil claiming it can do all these things and maybe it can, but he didn’t even offer me a telescope to see for myself, and I believed him, now I wonder though, I wonder in the future will people laugh at us laughing at the idea that little bugs cause illness? Will people like Al Chemist still be doing what they do? What do you think they’d be called in such a future, I’m thinking snake oil salesman, can you guess why?” At this point everyone including the King was laughing uncontrollably, as Jasper finished his story. “So look putting these things together, I think we all should listen to each other more, royalty to peasants and peasants to royalty, just communicate you know, and we’ll all be richer for it, and get to keep our blood, which should be compelling enough on its own. Anyway I know I know this sounds a little crazy, a bit touchy, but I have always been accused of being naive, of wearing my heart on my sleeve, which I really gotta stop doing, I should wear it under my pants, maybe I could even get one of you ladies to lend me a chastity belt for extra hard heart protection, huh?” Everyone continued to laugh as the ladies shook their heads and Jasper Closed out saying “what no, oh come on you're breaking my heart” as he showed his right sleeve and flexed until it ripped right in the middle of the heart”.

After the show people could not stop laughing, even the king could not hold his composure, he was retelling the jokes to himself and everyone else, even the guards who were supposed to just keep watch, couldn’t help but chuckle. It was announced that the winner would receive word within a fortnight. So, Jasper went to return the stuff he used to Logrick but he couldn’t find him, the cabin wasn’t even there. He did however pick some apples and find the spice tree and took some of the bark from it back home to his mother. As he walked, he came across Al Chemist’s wagon, in the same spot but old and broken, the letters faded, he just went inside as the door was gone and it looked like no one had been there in years. Strange that it would be abandoned after only a few days Jasper thought as he continued home. Approaching where he met Democratus, there was no sign that there had been any camp there, just trees and bushes where the fire was, no way they could’ve grown that fast. This was beginning to concern Jasper. I hope they are ok, he thought as he continued home. He walked into his house and said “mom, dad I killed it everyone was laughing hysterically. I think I have a good chance of getting the job. "" More than that” a well-dressed man said as he got up and turned around. “Oh my god” King Ridgerton” Jasper said as he began to kneel “no, no thanks but that’s very not necessary, unless you are repenting for taking the lord's name in vain” the King laughed, before continuing “your parents are packing, you will all be coming back with me, your rooms are being prepared along with a feast of mutton and pheasant, the pheasant was hard to find, haven't been in these woods for decades it seems, but don’t you worry I got some on the way it will be there when we arrive. “Oh my, thank you really, so I got the job then?” Jasper asked “like I said more than that, you know I usually don’t come out here myself but you not only made me laugh you inspired me, I am putting together a petition party, I came out here to select some of your peasant friends to be a part of it, I would like them to look over petitions that the rest of the peasants send to them and then every so often I will have  a meeting with them where they can bring the most urgent ones to my attention, like you said, we all need to start listening to each other more.” Jasper stood in shock for a long minute before the king said “now go lad go pack and then before we leave you can point out to me who you think best for this petition party” “Ok ya definitely” Jasper said as he ran to the back room to pack, before turning around and saying “one more thing, I hate to ask for more cause you have already done so much but I have a request for desert” “anything” the king responded, Jasper smiled and said “I will tell your chef how to make it, it is called, applesauce”

That was the day that Jasper Jester became the fool of Ridgerton, it was also the day democracies first seeds were planted, and what day was that? It was the first day of the fourth month, a day the world would come to remember as April Fool's Day. A day we too often overlook, a day we sometimes forget about, a day that somewhat ironically, we don’t take seriously enough, a day we just let pass by like any other. But this April Fool's Day and the rest to come I want you to try and remember Jasper Jester, his journey, his story and how jokes, entertainment, and even pranks can, sometimes, maybe just maybe CHANGE THE WORLD!!!

THE END