A Gorilla signs with his hands “good. Really good. It’s been a while since we’ve had a load this big.”
“Good. We’ll be back on top in no time!” The Great Dane voices.
“Yeah assuming Manny doesn’t retaliate” The Gorilla signs.
The Great Dane barks, speaking “even if he does, we beat that human once, we can beat him again.”
“That’s what I’m worried about. I don’t think he’s too happy about us winning that war.” The Gorilla signs.
“That war he started. We never wanted it, he did. He bit off more than he could chew, we didn’t. Which is odd, if anyone would bite off more than they could chew, you’d think it'd be the dog.” The Great Dane speaks.
The Gorilla laughs in a low pitch grunt, as he signs “yeah but you know how humans are.”
The Great Dane nods as he blinks and speaks “yeah they do all need to calm the fuck down. That’s why I’m in this business. Maybe one day they’ll relax enough and we can finally live with them side by side.”
The Gorilla slumps his head signing "that'll be the day. The day they stop locking us in cages. Content to just live with us. Do you think that’s why Manny attacked our plantations? Not just that we are competitors, but that he just cannot stand seeing animals living free, competing with him in his trade, rather just behind cages for his eyes?”
“Indeed I do Alfa Ape. He, like most humans, can’t accept that they are animals. They’re insecure about it. And like any bully they take it out on us” The Great Dane says.
Alfa Ape nods, motioning “yeah, except I don’t think all humans are bullies.”
“That is where you are wrong my friend. Now if you’ll excuse me it’s time for my walk.” The Great Dane says as he turns around and walks towards the back exit of the cave.
Alfa Ape motions “Ok Atlas, I’ll supervise here. But hey you don’t really believe that do you? I mean you can’t, can you?" The Great Dane looks back at Alfa Ape and almost smiles, but sadly, as he walks through some bushes out onto the trail behind the mountain island.
As Atlas walks around the spiral trail up the mountain. He thinks about Alfa Ape’s question. He wonders do I really believe that? He internally answers his own question, yes! Or at least, all that are left are. As he walks he remembers the human that took care of him so many years ago. The human that taught him everything he knew. He remembers jumping and wagging his tail every time that human would come home. He remembered how that human’s face would light up when he saw him wagging his tail and jumping, all fours off the ground. He recalled that human explaining to other humans “I am not a dog owner! I do not own my dog! My dog is their own autonomous being. I am merely a caretaker!” When inevitably questioned on this view he would always smile and fall back on his catch phrase slogan, “Philosophically you cannot own a living thing. A life lives, by definition it will therefore always remain somewhat out of your control. And because ownership implies exclusive control, and life cannot be exclusively controlled, it therefore cannot be owned. In short, regardless of what the law might say, you cannot own a child of God, not even God himself can!” He whines a little bit as he thinks, oh Cromag, you may have been the one who wasn’t a bully. The one who could really love. His whining stopped and almost became a laugh as recalled one other thing Cromag would always say. When inevitably some bully would say “that’s what separates us from the animals.” He would smile, his gotcha already in the chamber and respond sarcastically “Please tell me more about that thing that separates us from what we literally are!” He continues walking, as he looks behind him, seeing the ghost like shadow of Cromag behind him, cigarette in hand, grin on face, as he thought, "I will always remember our walks, and I will never stop taking them, everyday, come rain or shine, come hell or highwater, just like you used to say, it’s good for both of us!"
A man sat in a small hot office. Only a rotating fan relieving him of the nearly unbearable heat from the Tijuana sun. Suddenly the door swings open as a fat man with dark skin walks in, grinning over a cigar. He took the chewed cigar out of his mouth saying “ah, Senor, sorry for the wait. I am Don Lepitez, you must be Manny?” As he held out one hand and put the cigar back into his smiling mouth with the other.
Manny stood up and shook his hand saying “yes, I am. And no worries about the wait. I know the struggles of running a business empire all too well.”
Don Lepitez responded “ah yes and that is what we are here to discuss, no?”
Manny nodded saying “yes sir.”
Don Lepitez walked around the desk to his chair, motioning to Manny saying “sit, sit, please. I am eager to hear your proposition” as he sat in his chair.
Manny sat down and said “of course, so as I am sure you know, I have taken a lot of your business since the CTT was signed.”
Don Lepitez glared as he said “yes. My family used to control almost the entire cannabis trade. Since that treaty though. Well it’s the sun, and the overuse of our aquifers. Our cannabis is too dry to compete with your hydro, or, sticky icky as the kids are calling it. Now it is you who are the largest supplier. I assume though you did not just come here to gloat?”
Manny shook his head “no, no, I would never waste your time, or insult you with something as childishly petty as a gloat. Though I must correct you on one thing. I am currently, only the second largest supplier. And what’s more, I am second to a literal dog. Can you believe that? Some fuckin mut. I tried to end its operations. I had some success, but not as much as it had. Still it steals more and more market share from me every fucking day!”
“So you know how I feel then?” Don Lepitez said in a serious tone.
Manny gulped as he continued “yes sir. But well here is where I think we can help each other. Since I control what was once yours, yet you still have, let’s just say means unavailable to me. I think together we could take this mut down once and for all. Then with me on top, my product becomes available to your connections. You said yourself, hydro is more appealing to the general consumer. And since that treaty made hydro much more available, pushing you out. Maybe I can help push you back in, so to speak. But I would only be in a position to push you back in, if that dirty mutt was in no position at all. If you catch my drift?” Don Lepitez sat there, silently contemplating. Chin on hands. Before he exhaled sharply, stood up from his chair, turned around to look out his window. As he took a long inhale from his cigar and exhaled as he said “you know my money pays for most of the little this poor village has. I was raised here, you know? My father taught me everything he knew. Though things are not like they were in his day. I must rely on the heavier stuff now. The cocaine, the meth. Oh the overhead. The labs and processing centers, not even to mention having to deal with those damn Columbians. I hate fuckin Columbians. In my father's day, just a field and a little water, we controlled everything. The Federalies, even the army. I tried to think of every path back to those simpler times. I thought I would never see one. But now, for the first time, I’m starting to.” As he spun around so quickly it made Manny nearly jump out of his chair. Don Lepitez held his hand out saying “so yes, you have a deal!” Manny stood and smiled saying "Excellent, great, thank you. I will have my think tank run scenarios.” As they shook hands.
Don Lepitez smiled and said “have your people draw up battleplans and I will have mine do the same. Then we will compare, and find a strategy that will finally put this dog in its rightful place below us!” With a wink.
A very large automated hovercraft full of mules showed up. On their backs were large light weight locked canvas bags. Money slots on the ends. The chimps unlocked the zippers of pockets labeled Dime(10$) Dub(20$) Eighth(30$) Quarter(65$) Half(100$) Zip(150$) Quap(400$) Pound(1000$). And place multiple bags in the proper pocket. As other chimps unzip the bottom compartment and take the cash stacking it on an automated money counter and counterfeit checker in one. It rolls through the cash as a chimp behind a desk enters the amount in a ledger. Before piling another stack into the counter. Once all the bags are emptied of cash and filled of bud. The pockets and compartments are zipped closed and locked as the mules are guided back onto the large automated hovercraft. They honk as they herd onto the craft and it sets off to the mainland.
A few people are scattered about in a dark dingy bar. On a stage in a corner two young men rap to techno beats created by two others behind them on turntables and keyboards. At the end of the song, one of the rappers, wearing baggy brown bellbottoms, a long white T-shirt with a picture of Mickey Mouse on it, barely covered by a blue Hippy Peace Sign pendant on the end of a long black string. He flips back his long black hair out of his face as he pushes up his round rim sunglasses saying “epic huh? Yeah, Well I been MC Hippy, this is my partner MC Bud Buddy” as he pointed to a skinny man in skinny blue jeans, a baggy, light green shirt with a large darker green outline of a pot leaf on it, wearing a sideways flat rimmed white hat. Holding his hands up, pacing slightly as he puffed out his lips and started screaming “Fuck yeah Hippy! But don’t forget our wonderful DJs, these sexy men behind us. DJ Flower!” A man wearing a grey sweat suit with matching beanie and Daisies plastered all around it. Waved a hand in the air and pressed a button making a loud party horn sound in three quick successions, with the other. “Well Hell to the yeah” MC Hippy yelled, “I would never forget DJ Flower, like you forgot about DJ Smokey!” As he pointed with his hand at a man wearing tan khakis, an open green plaid hooded jacket, hood up, grey wife beater underneath. He rubbed a turn table making a static crackly sound. MC Bud Buddy yelled “And we’ve been.”
They then all yelled simultaneously “THE STONER KIDZ!” As they all held open their arms smiling. A cough and a slight golf clap from the audience followed. As the Stoner Kidz stood there, arms open, disappointed internally, but maintaining big and bright smiles externally.
MC Hippy said, “I dunno I think that was a pretty solid turn out for a Tuesday afternoon.”
“Yeah, but we're playin a dive bar on a Tuesday afternoon” DJ Flower said.
MC Bud Buddy shrugged saying “yeah, well, you gotta start somewhere. That’s what my mom always said.”
“Yeah but you also gotta end up somewhere eventually, otherwise you’re just wasting your time doin somein you're no good at. That’s what my dad used to always say.” DJ Smokey said. MC Hippy looked back at DJ Smokey saying “you’re dad sounds like a real dreamer!” They all laughed as DJ Smokey shook his head and MC Hippy continued “look guys we’re good, and we keep gettin better. And we got somethin special here, really unique. Techno Rap, I mean nobody’s doin that, it’s like rap you can rave dance to. What’s not to love?”
“Maybe we should ask our audience that.” DJ Flower said as the whole group laughed again. MC Hippy continued “ok, ok, I know, not everyone loves it, but we do, and what are the odds that we’re the only four who do?” They all shrugged.
“You tell us man, you’re the one who went to college.” DJ Flower said
MC Hippy responded, “yeah but only for like two years at a Community College and plus, I failed statistics.” They all laughed again as MC Hippy continued “look, the point is, I think MC Bud Buddy’s hot mom is right, you gotta start somewhere.” The group laughed again as MC Bud Buddy said “dood” as he playfully shoved MC Hippy with a laugh. The group's laughter increased. MC Bud Buddy took out their phone and said “well we might not be sellin out stadiums but we’re blowin up on social media. A hundred thousand new followers since yesterday.”
DJ Smokey jumped in, “yeah ok, but, and, be honest, how many a those are your hot mom’s alt accounts?” with a snicker.
MC Bud Buddy turned around saying “DOOD! Just cause my mom believes in us doesn’t mean you need be such a Debby Downer like your dad.” As they all laughed.
DJ Smokey said “ok, funny story, my dad actually dated a girl named Debby Downer for a bit after my parents got divorced."
“Nuh huh! Swear?” DJ Flower said.
DJ Smokey held up his right hand saying, “swear to God bruh!” As they laughed.
MC Bud Buddy asked “oh, well, she hot?” They all laughed more and more.
DJ Smokey said “yeah, actually yeah.” And the laughter became hysterical, some even stopped to slap their knee. One even fell over hammering the asphalt. When all of the sudden they heard a honk followed by bells, they looked up seeing a mule walking by their van, with a Canvas bag on their back. MC Bud Buddy said “oh hell yeah! Perfect timing, I gotta reup!”
MC Bud Buddy dropped his bags by the van, opened the doors, grabbed an envelope from inside and ran to the Mule. He said, “hi Mule, how are you?” with a smile. The Mule honked and MC Bud Buddy said “yeah, me too.” As he opened the envelope and slid ten hundred dollar bills into the money slot. A cylinder labeled POUND rolled out as MC Bud Buddy grabbed a large bag from it and the cylinder popped back up locking in place. MC Bud Buddy patted the Mule on the head and said, “good to see ya buddy, have a nice day.” As he walked away, the Mule honked and began walking away as MC Bud Buddy smiled. As he walked over to the van the rest of the Stoner Kidz were laughing as they hollered saying “you reup?” MC Bud Buddy held the bag up and waved it as they cheered saying “fuck yeah bruh, let’s get high!” As DJ Flower reached in the van and grabbed a purple silicone bong. MC Bud Buddy smiled as he looked over and saw an old man in ragged clothes holding a cardboard sign at the end corner of the parking lot. He pointed and said “hey it’s Homie” as he began running over to him. The rest of the Stoner Kidz looked and followed. MC Bud Buddy got up to Homie smiling saying “hey Homie, how’s it goin?” Homie looked up, smiled slightly and sadly as he shrugged.” As the rest of the Stoner Kidz approached DJ Smokey hollered “HOMIE! WASSUP?” MC Bud Buddy handed the man a twenty-dollar bill saying, “sorry I don’t have a treat for Doggo- Hey, where is Doggo?” Homie looked up, eyes down, silently shaking his head. MC Bud Buddy’s smile sunk along with the rest of the Stoner Kidz. DJ Flower crossed himself and kissed his fingers. DJ Smokey patted Homie on the shoulder saying, “I’m so sorry man, that was a great dog!” Homie patted his hand and looked at him smiling. MC Bud Buddy said “well hey man, you wanna hang for a bit? Smoke out?” As he held his sack of weed up. Homie turned to him smiling and nodding. MC Bud Buddy began smiling too as he said “hell yeah man, c’mon” as he reached his hand out, helping Homie up as they walked to the van.
Sitting in the van, outside the side door. They passed a joint and a bong among each other. MC Bud Buddy raised the bong and said “this one’s for you Doggo!” Homie smiled as he raised his joint before they both took a hit. Homie passed the joint to DJ Smokey inhaled deeply as he said “hey speakin a dogs, you know that’s where this shit comes from?” As he passed it to MC Hippy who took a hit saying “nah man. I mean I dunno. I heard that too but I’m not convinced.”
Homie took a hit from the bong and spoke for the first time that day “no, no it’s true. Atlas, Doggo loved him.”
They all sat up as DJ Smokey said whoa, whoa, you know him?”
Homie shook his head as he exhaled saying “no. I mean I knew Cromag years ago.”
MC Bud Buddy said “oh yeah, Cromag I heard a him. Lawyer guy right? He’s how we got the CTT treaty right?” Homie and MC Hippy laughed as MC Bud Buddy exhaled, handed the joint to Homie and said “what? What’s so funny?”
Homie said “CTT stands for Cannabis Trade Treaty”-
“Yeah so calling it the CTT treaty is redundant” MC Hippy interrupted.
Homie took a hit, nodded, laughing and saying “yeah you basically just said Cannabis Trade Treaty Treaty” as he handed the joint to MC Hippy.
MC Bud Buddy rolled his eyes saying “ok you bunch a nerds. But it’s Cromag right? He pushed that through?”
Homie laughed and nodded as he said “yeah, he pushed it through the UN. Then started the 420 year round club. Made alotta money.”
MC Hippy asked “ok, but what does this have to do with the world weed titan?”
MC Bud Buddy laughed saying “dumb ass. Cromag was Atlas’s owner.” MC Hippy looked down. Homie shook his head saying “no, well not really. Cromag would push back hard on that. He’d tell you he’s just a steward as”-
“You cannot own a child of god” DJ Flower interrupted.
Homie smiled and nodded, adding “not even god himself can!”
MC Hippy asked “so this Cromag guy is why weed is legal? How do we thank him?”
Homie said “yeah, well more of like a legally mandated grey area. Lotta technical mumbo jumbo, but basically the CTT says you can have your weed, but leave us out of it. Meaning cops ain’t gonna hassle us for blazin up or dealin. But it also means we can’t call ‘em if we get jacked. Trade offs, you know?”
MC Hippy nodded saying “well either way how do I thank him?”
“Ya can’t. He died some years back.” MC Flower crossed himself again. As Homie continued “rumor has it after that Atlas left, cut off from humanity. He’ll sell us dope, but he has no interest in being around us. He has Chimps harvesting, Gorillas guarding, and Mules selling. Humans need not apply.”
MC Bud Buddy took a hit saying “well damn, if I could somehow find this Atlas, I could step up my dealin game, help him do the same.” They all laughed.
MC Hippy said “you think your street level ass could help the largest weed titan in history step up his game? Dawg?” As they all laughed some more.
“Well, I mean, maybe, if I could find him.”
“Yeah and he’d tell you to get bent.” DJ Flower said through hysterical laughter.
MC Bud Buddy replied “nuh uh. He wouldn’t tell me anything, he's a dog, he can’t talk, duh.”
Homie said “oh he can talk. And yes he’d tell you to get bent.” This statement stopped the laughter immediately as they all stared at Homie, their expressions saying, explain. Homie did “Remember how I said Cromag made alotta money from the 420 year-round Club? Well he put that money into a bunch a stuff. One a those things was a Hawking Foundation tech group. Worked hard to make these things that could monitor brainwaves and help us communicate with animals. Based on Stephen Hawking’s electronic voice box. No one knows if they were successful, but I like to think they were. And Atlas is out there barkin orders, no pun intended!” The group sat there shocked for a moment, before they all bursted out into laughter. MC Bud Buddy raised the bong saying “well here’s to ya Cromag!” As he took a hit.
Homie laughed saying “well I’m sure he’d appreciate that even though he didn’t smoke!” Another look of shock fell over the group. MC Bud Buddy couldn’t even hold the hit in as the smoke just flowed out his hung open mouth. After a moment they all started laughing again. MC Hippy said through his laughter “What? The CTT guy didn’t even smoke?”
“No way?” DJ Smokey said. As they all continued to laugh.
Homie said “he had CHS. It made him throw up.” Through his laughter. Causing the laughter of the rest of the group to become louder and louder. MC Bud Buddy could hardly wonder “why is a dead dude throwin up from weed so funny?” Increasing the laughter even more. After the laughter died down. MC Bud Buddy took a deep breath saying “well, we should still try to find this Atlas. Give our condolences.” The Stoner Kidz nodded.
Homie said “well they say he turned the ocean into a hydroponic garden, by some mountain Island. So good luck. But if you find him, tell him me and Doggo say hi.”
MC Bud Buddy says “I’ll smoke to that” as he raises the bong, and takes a hit, before passing it to Homie.
Atlas sat on a velvet bench, hind legs up, front legs touching the ground. His voice box projected “I understand that. But think about it Alfa Ape. I mean you really think Manny, this kingpin of the industry would resort to petty jackings?”
“He might if he sees that as the best way to retaliate” Alfa Ape signed.
“But think about our war with him. He set fires to our crops. Even killed some of our workforce”-
Alfa Ape interrupted Atlas “but he lost. Now he’s trying something different.”
“Like petty jackings? He goes from firebombs, arson, and literal murder, to jacking a mule that he leaves alive? I mean I understand he lost the war. But he didn’t lose everything. There’s no reason he couldn’t firebomb us again. And if he were to retaliate, there is no reason he wouldn’t.” Atlas exclaims.
Alfa Ape says with his hands “unless he’s changing up his strategy.”
“To petty street jackings? C’mon! You know I know, and Manny Damn sure knows if we could survive firebombs, we can survive a few petty jackings.” Atlas voices.
Alfa Ape says with signs “we don’t know that that’s all they were. Or more like, we don’t know that’s all they represent. This might only be the start of something.”
Atlas asks “like what?”
“I do not know, but something much much worse.” Alfa Ape answers.
Atlas says “Ok, that’s fair! Tell the chimps to outfit our mules with cameras, and maybe we can even figure out a way to get some pepper spray to release if the pockets are forced open. Let’s try to take some extra steps for security. Even if it is just punk kids we don’t want them all doing it. The pepper spray should make them think twice. And if it really is Manny planning something, well the cameras should settle that.”
Alfa Ape nods, signing “that’s all I’m suggesting. I’ll go get chimps working on it.” As he turns and walks down to the processing cave below. Atlas barks, as he pushes up from his chair and heads out the back of his upper cave for his walk.
Manny sits with Don Lepitez in an underground club. They clash wine glasses as they drink and laugh. Manny says “those kids were happy to hit that Mule, no cost, just some cutters. But I wonder why you think that was the best use of our time? I mean if my firebombs couldn’t take this mut down, I don’t see how petty jackings are?”
Don Lepitez chuckles as he says “well you see, it likely won’t think it was you. And it doesn’t even know me. But it’ll force this mut to update security on its mules instead of its base.”
“Ah, then we start the firebombings huh? I see” Manny says.
Don Lepitez shakes his head saying “no, no. See my strategists advised me of a new approach. No more direct attacks, that’s how you lost. What we do this time is covert infiltration.”
Manny looked confused asking “covert infiltration? What? How”-
Don Lepitez interrupts “Yes, basically it’s spook speak for secretive sabotage.”
“But then why is the lack of security so important?” Manny asks, confused.
“Are you dumb? It is even more important. Anyone can drop firebombs on an island, no problem regardless of security. But if we were say planning to, um, I dunno, say, dump toxic waste into the nearby Ocean, then make sure his filters were off to poison his crop. Well that would require actually infiltrating his operation, which is easier if there is less security.” Don Lepitez says with a smirk as he takes a sip of wine.
Manny still looks confused as he wonders “why would we poison his crop? That just sounds like a harder way to destroy it?”
Don Lepitez laughs as he winks and says “I’m not saying we would. But hypothetically, imagine the poison growing in the root system. The plant still grows and gets packaged all that. The poison doesn’t kill the plant. But whoever smokes this plant, well, that’s gonna be the last inhale they ever take. And if a product you like is killin people, whatta you do?”
Manny begins to understand as his confused face becomes a devious grin and he says “you go to their competitor.”
“Bingo!” Don Lepitez says with a point as they both laugh.
Manny says through his laughter “that’s genius. You really are brilliant ya know?”
MC Bud Buddy woke up when he felt acceleration pushing him back. He rubbed his eyes, mumbling “are we driving?” Before becoming fully alert. His eyes widened as he screamed “WHAT THE FUCK? WE’RE DRIVING?” As he crawled up to see DJ Smokey in the driver's seat, smiling at him. MC Bud Buddy, looked behind him blinking slowly. Then back at DJ Smokey asking “ok, ah, bro, don’t take this the wrong way but ah, WHY THE FUCK ARE DRIVING MY VAN?”
DJ Smokey peered at him and said excitedly “I finally got ahold a my dad, he said we can use his old cigarette boat, if I just stopped calling him.”
MC Bud Buddy said “oh I thought he quit?”
“Huh? No, what? He did, it’s just a type a boat.” DJ Smokey said.
MC Bud Buddy laughed saying “I know. But ah I am still wondering one thing.”
“Oh? What’s that?” DJ Smokey asked with a smile.
MC Bud Buddy said “yeah well just, you didn’t really answer “WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DRIVING MY VAN?”
DJ Smokey looked at him, puzzled as he swerved, throwing MC Bud Buddy in the passenger seat as oncoming low beams honked. “JESUS! This is why I don’t let you drive man! So erratic!”
“That’s a big word, er, at, ic.” DJ Smokey said with a laugh
MC Bud Buddy said “what? It’s not, it’s like, three syllables, that’s not a big”- As he shook his head continuing “no, no, stop changing the subject and tell me why you're driving my van so erratically at midnight?”
DJ Smokey rolled his eyes saying “ugh, are we still on that?”
MC Bud Buddy looked puzzled as he tilted his head saying “yeah, we gonna be on that till you tell me why.”
DJ Smokey began to sing “tell me whyyy, ain’t”-
“NO! No Backstreet Boys til after you answer” MC Bud Buddy interrupted with a glare and a point.
DJ Smokey replied “I told you, my dad said we could use his boat.”
“Yeah, no that doesn’t answer my question.” MC Bud Buddy said.
“Yeah-huh” DJ Smokey replied.
“Nuh-uh” MC Bud Buddy said.
“Hey you’re the one that said you wanted to go find this drug dog to expand your business and give him our condolences or whatever, so I figured, get my dad’s cigarette boat, and go look. And gettin a jump on it just seemed like the logical thing” DJ Smokey replied.
“Oh, well see why didn’t you just say that?” MC Bud Buddy asked.
“I did.” DJ Smokey replied with a confused look.
“No you didn’t you- Nevermind, just, slowdown ok?” MC Bud Buddy said as he crawled to the back. DJ Smokey shook his head saying “no time” and floored it.
MC Bud Buddy looked back at him wondering “what? No time to slow down?” DJ Smokey nodded as MC Bud Buddy rolled his eyes and continued “oh whatever, just get us there in one piece, if there’s time for that. I’m goin back to sleep.”
DJ Smokey turned to him asking “so?”
MC Bud Buddy looked up from the floor, curious, until he realized what his friend meant and rolled his eyes saying “yeah, ok, now you can sing Backstreet Boys” as he fell back to the floor and closed his eyes. DJ Smokey said “sweet” with a smile as he turned on the stereo full volume to “Tell me whyyy, ain’t nothin but a heartache. Tell me whyyy.” As he sang along. MC Bud Buddy and the rest of the Stoner Kidz all woke up covering their ears, annoyed, saying “AHHH!”
Still dark, the Stoner Kidz arrive at a small marina. DJ Smokey gets out of the van along with the rest of the kidz. As he turns on a flashlight, hits it on his hand a few times until it shines says “c’mon it’s over here.” As they walk over to a well maintained glistening white fiberglass speed boat. DJ Smokey says “nope, this one’s too nice.” As he looks around, he sees another boat saying “ohh, here” as he runs over followed by the rest of the Stoner Kidz rolling their eyes. DJ Smokey stops and says “nope, nevermind, this one’s too wooden.” His friends roll their eyes again as they laugh. He looks around and says “oh yeah, that’s definitely it, probably.” The Stoner Kidz roll their eyes again as they follow the eagerly running DJ Smokey to a dingy boat. Covered with barnacles and brown mineral stains. The name DEBBY DOWNER is just barely visible through the yellow light and faded paint. DJ Flower crosses himself saying “why? Why would anyone put the word downer in a boat name?”
DJ Smokey said “yeah, my dad thought they’d be together forever. They weren’t! He also thought him and my mom would be together forever. They also weren’t. But, this boat, this boat never left him, c’mon.” As he stepped on and it swayed, almost knocking DJ Smokey over. The Stoner Kidz looked at each other hesitantly. DJ Smokey got up and said “c’mon, it’s perfectly safe, probably.”
“Probably?” MC Bud Buddy asked with concern.
“Yeah well it was last time I was on it a few years back. And I don’t see any leaks. Wait.” As he looked closely at a black spot. Then shaking his head saying “no, that’s just black mold, we’re good.” The Stoner Kidz looked at each other again with slightly worried smiles. DJ Smokey called again “c’mon, a lil black mold never hurt anyone.”
MC Hippy says “black mold has literally killed millions!”
“C’mon, do you guys wanna find Atlas or not?” DJ Smokey asked. MC Bud Buddy and MC Hippy looked at each other, shrugged and stepped aboard. DJ Flower crossed himself saying a silent prayer “Lord please keep me and my friends safe. But if you can only save one of us, then it’s ok, save me, let my friends die, just not me, Please lord. In Jesus name I pray, amen.” As he kissed his knuckles and stepped aboard the Debby Downer. Right as DJ Smokey started the boat, pushed up the throttle and accelerated so fast it knocked DJ Flower back, before stalling to a slow crackling, smokey tug.
As they tugged along slowly. MC Bud Buddy asked “you sure you know how to drive this thing?”
“Boat” DJ Smokey replied.
MC Bud Buddy looked confused asking “what?”
“To drive a boat is called boat, and yes I know how to boat this thing.” DJ Smokey said as he boated along. MC Bud Buddy looked confused as he shook his head saying “boat this thing? There’s no way that’s true.”
DJ Smokey nodded saying “it is. It’s the official Navacal term.”
MC Hippy squints saying “Nodical. And it’s not.”
DJ Smokey laughs saying “it’s pronounced Navacal.”
“No it’s not!” MC Hippy says.
DJ Smokey says “How would you know? You said you failed sailing logistics.”
MC Hippy looks confused as he shakes his head saying “what? No, I said I failed statistics.”
“What’s the difference?” DJ Smokey wondered. As the rest of the Stoner Kidz sat there confused , shaking their heads and rolling their eyes until they started laughing.
DJ Smokey points to the freighter saying “you believe this shit? I mean still? These corporate fat cats have no respect for the earth.” As they all look over and shake their heads. MC Hippy saying “yeah, wow, that is fucked up. I can’t believe we still dumpin shit into the Ocean. After a near century of evidence showing the impact it has on sea life and environment.”
“Yeah educate them about that Hippy.” DJ Smokey said as he pulled up by the freighter yelling “HEY! DON’T YOU GREDDY MOTHA FUCKERS KNOW HOW BAD THAT IS? IF NOT MY FRIEND HERE’S GOT SOMETHIN TO TELL YA!” As he pointed his thumb back at MC Hippy. The people on the boat just stared. One of the men reached into their belt, as MC Hippy began “yeah I mean look I dunno what y’all are dumpin. But barrels like that do not look clean. And even many a the chemicals we thought were quote unquote clean, we’ve come to find out are not. I mean you could be killin millions a fish. Extincting whole species, and fucking up the environment so much that the rest can’t survive. And even if you don’t care about fish”-
“Ass holes” DJ Smokey interrupted to drop.
As MC Hippy continued “You know what that does to us? Makes it harder and harder to get fish. Many cultures rely on fish to eat. You’re fuckin all of ‘em.”
“Yeah, and not in a hot way either.” DJ Smokey said. “I mean taken all our fish. Very not hot. Like the opposite of Bud Buddy’s mom!”
MC Bud Buddy said “YEAH! Wait…” As they all began to laugh. The freighter crew just stared on in bewilderment. The whole crew, no longer paying attention to what they were doing, too stunned to notice extra barrels rolling down a ramp.
The hot yellow sunbeams beat down on the ocean. Chimps monitor the plants by riding their hovercrafts around the garden. One Chimp notices something as they squint and hold their hand above their eyes to see further through the heat waves in the air. They notice a few leaves on one of the plants is bleach white. They become concerned as they begin to frantically hoot, scream and point. The other Chimps take notice and look closely where their fellow Chimp is pointing. Soon they notice many other bleach white leaves on many other plants. And even a few micro holes. They all began frantically hooting and screaming. As they ride towards the noticed plants and examine the leaves closely. Confused about what they are seeing. But concerned about what it might mean. They collect the bleach white micro holed leaves and take them into the bottom cave to a Chimp in a white lab coat. Sitting over a desk with a microscope on it. They hoot and scream to get the coated Chimps attention. When the coated Chimp looks over they sign “look at these. This can’t be good, can it? What’s going on?” As they hold up the white holed leaves.
The coated Chimp grabs a leaf and looks at it closely, curiously inspecting it. As they look closer, their face becomes more concerned. They turn, put it under their microscope, then turn again and sign “No definitely not good. I will examine these. You go get some more. Any other leaves like this you notice. And even a few regular ones. I need to compare.” The Chimps on hovercrafts wave as they fly back out to collect more leaves.
The Chimp in a white lab coat looks through his microscope as he clicks with his mouth. More Chimps drop off more leaves. Many of them not white. This makes the coated Chimp happy until he looks at them under the microscope, and his smile fades as he sees little white spots around micro holes. He signs to another Chimp “go get Alfa Ape. Tell him we have a problem.” The other Chimp hoots and jumps off. He finds Alfa Ape in the upper cave looking over new Canvas bag designs. The Chimp hoots and screams to get his attention. Alfa Ape turns to him signing “yes, yes I hear you, now, what is it Bravo Chimp?”
Bravo Chimp signs back “Charlie Chimp says he needs to see you, right away. There may be a problem with the crop.” Alfa Ape immediately drops his knuckles to the ground and begins jumping down to the lower cave. In the lower Cave he sees Charlie Chimp looking through his microscope, clicking distressed, worried clicks with his mouth. Alfa Ape jumps over to him and taps his shoulder. Charlie Chimp looks up, startled for a second as he sees Alfa Ape and begins signing “Oh Alfa Apa, thank dog you’re here. This is really bad. Our crop, it’s, it’s dying!”
Alfa Ape looks puzzled as he signs worryingly “what do you mean it’s dying? How?”
“It seems to be some kind of poison. I’m not sure yet which kind. But it’s in really high amounts. It’s actually a good thing.” Charlie Chimp signs.
Alfa Ape, enraged by this, moves his fingers fast and violently saying “A good thing? You’re telling me our crop has been poisoned and then say it’s a good thing?”
Charlie Chimp, hesitantly moves his fingers in a frightened response “no, no, of course not. I only mean, that had the amount of poison been lower we wouldn’t have noticed. But our customers would have.” Alfa Ape pondered this as Charlie Chimp continued to explain “see in smaller doses whatever poison this is wouldn't have killed the crop, but it almost certainly would have killed whoever ingested it. That’s all I meant is that it is a good thing we caught it when we did. Otherwise well we’d have dead customers instead of a dead crop.”
Alfa Ape slumps as he motions “How many are infected?”
“As far as I can tell, all of them.” Charlie Chimp relents.
Alfa Ape deflates confirming “all of them?”
Charlie Chimp slumps and signs “yes. And I’m afraid that’s not the worst of it. I fear it came from the water. Meaning we are going to have to test the water and if my fears are confirmed as I just cannot imagine what else it could be. We are going to have to wait for the environment to clean itself, before we can plant another crop.”
“How long will that take?” Alfa Ape asks.
“There is no way to know until I can confirm what kind of poison it is. I’m having Delta Chimp collect water samples now. I should have the results soon.” Charlie Chimp signs as Alfa Ape slowly jumps away defeated, signing “Keep me informed. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must inform Atlas.”
“WHAT? HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?” Atlas’s voice box projected loudly upon hearing about the poisoning.
“We do not know exactly. But I suspect it was Manny.” Alfa Ape says with his hands.
Atlas shakes his head as he speaks “no, no, Manny isn’t smart enough to pull this off alone.”
“Well then maybe he is not working alone” Alfa Ape postulates.
Atlas ponders this as he shakes his head violently while voicing “either way, our filters should have caught this. What was Charlie Chimp and his team doing?”
Alfa Ape slumped his head as he realized “they, they were working on the updates for the mule bags. They, they must have forgotten to clean and change the filters. I take full responsibility for this.
Atlas barks” no, no they were following my orders”-
“Your orders on my suggestion” Alfa Ape interrupts.
“Stop trying to blame yourself. It was a stupid mistake and it was my stupid mistake. I let you all down!” Atlas whined.
Alfa Ape reassures him “this is a joint venture. We share the praise thus we must also share the blame. It was the fault of all of us. And I’m sure we will all work very hard to solve it. Charlie Chimp is working frantically to try and identify the poison as we speak. Delta Chimp is collecting samples. This is a setback caused by an oversight. But it is not an insurmountable setback. Nor an uneducational oversight.” Right as Atlas looks up about to say something, they hear the frantic screams and hoots of Chimps. Right as another Gorilla walks in signing “forgive the intrusion.”
Alfa Ape signs in return “it is forgiven Bravo Ape. Now what is the problem?”
“Some of our lookouts sighted a boat.”
“A Boat? Not a hovercraft? Atlas barks as he gets up and runs out onto the cliff. He looks through an observation telescope and sees a rickety boat slowly chugging along towards the island as happy looking humans raise their arms, joints in hand, as they cheer.
Atlas says “I don’t have time to deal with humans right now. I’m gonna go for my walk. I expect them gone by the time I return.” As he heads to the back of the upper cave.
Alfa Ape signs “consider it done!” As he turns to the other apes continuing to sign “ok, you heard him. Let’s look ready. Grab the spears and the helmets. Humans see Gorillas wearing battle helmets holding spears they will think planet of the apes and maybe that’ll be enough to scare them off.”
“And if it’s not?” Bravo Ape wonders.
Alfa Ape smiles deviously as he signs “that’s why we know how to use them!” As the Gorillas open a chest and hand each other sturdy metal helmets. Then a closet above the chest as they pass down modern metal spears.
“Slow down we’re gonna crash.” DJ Flower yells to DJ Smokey as he tries pulling the throttle up and down to no effect. He says “I know how to boat this thing, I just need to”- CLUNK! He is interrupted by the boat hitting the rock of the mountain Island. Part way on land, motor still turning water. DJ Flower says “see, we crashed!”
“I’d hardly call that a crash. This thing doesn’t go fast enough to really crash.” MC Bud Buddy says with a laugh. DJ Smokey looks at him offended saying “HEY! Don’t dehumanize Debby like that!”
They all laugh until MC Bud Buddy notices DJ Smokey’s serious face and stops saying “Are you serious? Dehumanize? It’s a boat?”
DJ Smokey steps back as he goes “ah” holding his hand close to his mouth, continuing “IT! THING! After all she did for us.”
MC Bud Buddy looks really confused saying with a laugh “ok, like you gotta be kidding. You called it a thing, just a minuate ago!”
“I can call HER a thing because she knows me. We have that kinda relationship.” DJ Smokey says as he strokes the siding of the Debby Downer whispering “it’s ok Debby. Don’t listen to him! He doesn’t know how to treat a boat, or a lady!” AS he glares at a confused MC Bud Buddy. Then looks back saying “But I love you” as he kisses the siding.
At that DJ Flower says “ight, I’m out” as he gets up and walks off the boat. MC Hippy follows saying “good idea, before this becomes NC-17.”
“Yeah I don’t really wanna watch you fuck a boat, not my thing” MC Bud Buddy says to DJ Smokey as he follows the others.
DJ Smokey looks at them and says “oh wow, not everything’s sexual ya know. Can’t a boy just love his boat, without it being weird? God.” The whole group laughs except DJ Smokey still stroking the Debby Downer’s siding. He then turns to the rest of the group saying “hey wait for me. I still gotta figure out how to turn her off”- As the engine stops, he looks up to see MC Bud Buddy holding the keys saying with a laugh “being yourself works with all the other ladies!” They laugh as DJ Smokey replies “oh yeah, well, your mom disagrees.”
“Oh you wish!” MC Bud Buddy says with an eye roll and a laugh.
DJ Smokey stands there for a moment before he laughs saying “yeah I do” and follows the rest off the Debby Downer.
As they walked up a steep side trail. They saw Gorillas in armor helmets and spears walking around. DJ Flower crossed himself and asked in a whisper “are, are you guys sure we should be here?”
DJ Smokey said “of course.”
“Yeah, why not?” MC Bud Buddy asked.
DJ Flower responded “Why not? Are you kidding? Look at that” as he pointed to the armored gorillas and continued “I mean this is some Planet of the Apes shit!”
“Oh I love that movie” DJ Smokey replied.
“Yeah it’s a great movie, but I don’t wanna live it.” DJ Flower said.
“Ya know, humans are actually Apes so in a very literal sense this kinda is the planet of the Apes. And you’ve arguably been living it your whole life.” MC Hippy added.
DJ Smokey rolled his eyes and said “oh God, we get it, you went to college.” As they kept walking. DJ Smokey looked back and saw DJ Flower turned to the side, body quivering in place. He yelled “DJ Flower, c’mon man, what are you doin?” As he walked back, grabbed his shoulder before looking where DJ Flower was and said, “oh my god!” Before grinning big and saying “APES!”’ As he ran towards them and gave them a hug. The gorillas stood there, looking at each other in confusion. Before looking back at the boys, pushing DJ Smokey away, holding their spears at them and grunted as they thrust the spears slightly at them to make them move. A Gorilla behind them guided them as all the Stoner Kidz followed one in front of them in a half circle. MC Bud Buddy nudged DJ Smokey and said, “did you really have to hug the Gorillas.” DJ Smokey shrugs and wonders “who doesn’t like hugs?” As DJ Flower crosses himself mumbling a prayer.
Up on the cliff outside the top cave, the Stoner Kidz stand in front of armored Gorillas, facing them and holding spears. Soon Alfa Ape walks out of the cave and signs to the other Gorillas, “who are these kids? What do we know of them?”
DJ Smokey steps forward and says slowly, while making random hand gestures “we are the Stoner Kidz. Perhaps you’ve heard of us?” The Gorillas look at each other then back at DJ Smokey with confusion. DJ Smokey continues flailing his arms as he speaks “Really? We do techno-rap? No matter. I’m DJ Smokey, and these are my friends, MC Bud Buddy. His mom’s super hot, and supportive. Next to him is MC Hippy, he went to college. Then by him is my fellow DJ, obviously DJ Flower, he’s one a those religious types, Rastafarian I think, but he doesn’t hate gay people.” DJ Smokey turns to DJ Flower saying “right? You don’t hate gay people?”
DJ Flower says “what? No I don’t hate gay people, are you.- What are you doing?”
DJ Smokey continues “sign language. They don’t speak English.”
MC Hippy says “you don’t know sign language.”
DJ Smokey looks offended as he says “yeah huh. I saw a documentary about Koko, as well as some tutorials on YouTube. So I’m basically fluent in sign language. Which is good cause they don’t understand us.”
Alfa Ape signs “we understand you perfectly well. We can hear, we just can’t speak.” DJ Smokey nods slowly. MC Bud Buddy asks “whatid he say?”
DJ Smokey turns around saying “he said they’d like a picture of your mom.”
MC Bud Buddy just stared at him saying “dood!”
DJ Smokey says “what? You don’t have one? I’ll tell ‘em we don’t have one.” As he turns around waving his arms randomly saying “I am sorry we do not have a picture of Bud Buddy’s mom. But rest assured, she is super hot!” The Gorillas face palm as DJ Smokey turns to his friends and whispers “I think they’re really disappointed. Are you sure you don’t have a picture anywhere on your phone?”
MC Bud Buddy glares at him, before pacing back, exhaling sharply saying “I can’t with this guy anymore. I swear to god I’ma kill him.”
DJ Smokey says “well then how would we communicate so effectively with these Gorillas? You guys are lucky I’m here, cause they can’t understand us so”-
“They understand every word you say perfectly well. They just cannot speak English, but they hear it better than you sign it.” A voice echoes from behind.
DJ Smokey looks back saying “who the”- As his annoyed look becomes one of pure childish wonder. His smile big and bright as he continues “ATLAS! WHO’S A GOOD BOY?” As he approaches the dog, the Gorillas step up in a fighting stance aiming their spears at him. He puts his hands up and says while flailing them some more “ok, ok I’ll try to get a picture of Bud Buddy’s mom. But then can I pet the doggo. Who says hi by the way, Doggo the dog.” Atlas looks almost to smile as he voices “ah Doggo my old friend. You know him? How is that ‘ol sonuvabitch?”
“Dead!” DJ Smokey says.
Atlas looks down saddened as he mumbles “oh yeah. To be expected. I have somehow out lived them all. A Great Dane has one of the shortest lifespans. But mine, mine won’t seem to end. How old even am I at this point? I lost track after two decades.”
DJ Smokey approaches Atlas again saying “oh poor boy- OUCH!” As he walks into a spear pointed at him. He steps back and waves his arms while saying “I’m just tryin to be nice Jesus!” The Gorillas look at each other with confusion. As DJ Smokey continues “don’t act like you don’t understand me. I am speaking your signs precisely.”
Atlas looks up and barks “no, you’re not. Those are not signs; those are just arm movements. You can’t just make up your own private language and expect everyone to understand you.”
DJ Smokey looks stunned and kind of offended. But before he can respond MC Hippy leans to him and says, "linguistically speaking he is correct.”
DJ Smokey turns to him and asks “how would you know? You said you failed linguistics.” MC Hippy looks dumbfounded as he shakes his head saying “what? No I said I failed statistics.”
DJ Smokey asks, “what’s the difference?” All the Stoner Kidz face palm.
Atlas asks “is he for real?”
“Unfortunately, yes.” MC Hippy answers.
DJ Smokey says “what? They both end with ics.”
MC Hippy paces as he screams “THEY BOTH END WITH ICS? ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?”
“Yeah, I”-
“NO! NO! YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY BE THIS DUMB!”
DJ Smokey opens his mouth, offended and says “rude!”
MC Hippy rubs his face as he paces saying “oh my god. I’ma kill him too.” As the pair continue to bicker until Atlas’s bark echoes and stops them. Even DJ Flower is frozen still, mid cross. As they all look at him saying “I’ve heard enough. Get the humans out of my sight!” As the Gorillas nod and march towards them right as Charlie Chimp comes hopping up hooting loudly as he signs “It’s Selectacyde!”
Atlas ponders this saying to himself “Selectacyde?” MC Hippy hears this and becomes intrigued and curious as he takes out his phone, thinking, Selectacyde? Where have I heard that before?
Atlas asked Charlie Chimp “what do we know about this Selectacyde?”
Charlie Chimp signs “not much I’m afraid. It is a synthetic poison developed for the precise targeting of certain species. It is unique in that it can, in low doses, lie dormant in many plant species. But will begin targeting the central nervous system once digested by animals. Rumor has it it was developed for this purpose as a bioweapon. It is very rare however. I mean only a handful of labs can make it.”
“Like Tijuana Tinkering?” MC Hippy asks.
Charlie Chimp looks at him with a surprised expression as he signs “Not sure. But if any chemical company in Mexico could, it would be Tijuana Tinkering.” MC Hippy looks on in confusion, as he asks “what’d he say?”
Atlas barks aggressively “WHY WOULD YOU THINK OF TIAJUAN TINKERING? WHAT DO YOU KNOW OF THIS POISSON HUMAN?
MC Hippy holds up his phone on a zoomed in photo of a freighter saying “look we saw this on the way here. Dumping something in the ocean.”
“I knew it was toxic,” DJ Smokey said with a snap.
MC Bud Buddy nudges him saying “we all knew it was toxic."
“Yeah, even me. See, not that dumb.” MC Bud Buddy rolled his eyes as Atlas stared closer and more intently at the photo. He then spoke “ok, so we know how it got there. Now how do we get rid of it?” Charlie Chimp looked down as he shook his head slowly. Atlas barked at him again yelling “HOW DO WE GET RID OF IT CHARLIE CHIMP?”
Charlie Chimp looked up, still shaking his head saying “we don’t!”
Atlas pulled his head back muttering “what, what do you mean, we don’t?”
Charlie Chimp continued “it has a half life of twenty five thousand years. Many speculate it might even last longer in salt water. And there is no known species that can digest it”-
MC Hippy interrupted, “that’s not true!” As Atlas and Charlie Chimp stare at him in shock, scrolling on his phone. As he continues “I swear I heard about Selectacyde before. There was this documentary I saw awhile ago. Some genetically engineered species of Snail that could absorb it and digest it. Cleaned whole tanks in mere hours. I just gotta find it, FUCK where is it?” As he continued scrolling. DJ Smokey stood by him looking at the screen over his shoulder as he patted it saying “you’ll find it pal - WAIT GO BACK!”
MC Hippy began scrolling back up frantically saying “what? What did you see it?”
DJ Smokey shakes his head, then points saying “there! I knew we had a picture of Bud Buddy’s mom. That’s a good one too. Bikini at the waterpark. Here show the Gorillas.” As he tried to turn the screen to the Gorillas. MC Hippy pulled back saying “no. God dood, are you serious right now? There is a time and a place to drool over Bud Buddy’s mom in a bikini”-
MC Bud Buddy interjects with a finger up saying “I, I disagree.”
“Regardless” MC Hippy continued, “this ain’t it.” As he continued to scroll. DJ Smokey looked at the Gorillas and shrugged as he mouthed “sorry.” The Gorillas just roll their eyes, as they face palm.
After what felt like forever of MC Hippy scrolling as everyone else waits, in silent concern. Suddenly MC Hippy breaks the silence “EUREKA!” As he flips his phone to portrait mode, showing the screen to everyone as they leaned in. A narrator saying “Hi I’m Simon Whistler and this is Today I Found Out. So what is the true story of Selectacyde? Well, nobody really knows. Many say it was originally developed by Massad. Others reject this, insisting only the United States would have the resources to develop such a poison. Many others assert that if any government had developed it we would be able to settle this debate.The fact that we can’t indicates to some that it may have been developed originally by terrorist or cartel run labs. One thing everyone can agree on though is that it is the most dangerous poison that exists and that there is no organism on earth that can digest it in large quantities. Or is there? Well no, not anymore. Recently an independent non-profit environmental lab. Working on genetically engineering species that could eat plastics. Developed a kind of Seal Snail. Known as the GX3 Sea Snail. Surprising everyone when it was left in a tank contaminated with one parts per two with Selectacyde overnight. Only to come back the next day, to find the Snail not only alive, but the ten thousand gallon tank at now less than one part per million Selectacyde. And yes that was one snail. Now renowned for its cleaning ability. Many fish keepers swear by it as the reason they never clean their tanks. Despite this the GX3 Sea Snail remains a very rare breed. It has been observed periodically at pet shops, but”- DJ Smokey hears this and keeps replaying the name in his mind. GX3 Sea Snail? GX3 Sea Snail? Suddenly he snaps his fingers as he smiles and steps away to make a call.
DJ Smokey stands aside, phone to his ear, tapping his foot eagerly as it rings and rings. Finally a voice says “hello.”
"DAD! It’s me, DJ Smokey, your son.”
“Yeah I know. I have caller ID. Now why are you calling me. You didn’t wreck the boat did you?”
“No, no. This ain’t about the boat this is about her namesake. Does Debby still run that pet shop?”
“Ah, yeah, why are you”-
“Can you call her. See if she still has that snail the, um, the”-
His dad interrupts “GX3 Sea Snail?”
“YES!” DJ Smokey shouts.
“NO” his dad responds.
DJ Smokey stomps his feet and protests like a child “but dad, this is important.”
“I’m not gonna call my EX!”
“But dad. She might be the only person who can save the best weed on the planet.”
“Oh, well in that case…”
DJ Smokey smiles saying “yeah, yeah, yeah.”
“NO!” His dad replies again.
DJ Smokey pouts “but dad. We need that snail. Atlas won’t be able to grow anymore weed without it. Not even to mention how many fish’ll die. The Selectacyde has a half life a like twenty five thousand years. And might even last longer in the ocean.”
His father suddenly becomes concerned asking “wait, Selectacyde? In the Ocean? Oh god, what did you do son?”
“It wasn’t me. It was some Tijuana Tinkering company. They dumped all this shit in the ocean. And that snail’s the only one who can save it. Help us dad, you’re our only hope.” DJ Smokey says with a slight chuckle “I’ve always wanted to say that.”
His dad, unamused says “if this is as serious as you say. Don’t quote Starwars.”
“Ok, dad, I won’t quote Starwars if you call Debby Downer, and get us that snail. Deal?”
His dad exhales sharply and says “ok, tell me everything.”
DJ Smokey takes a deep breath and begins speaking so fast it’s like he’s competing to be the world's fastest rapper, and honestly, not doing too bad. “So we took the Debby Downer, the boat, not the girl. Anyway we took the boat to find Atlas, you know, the drug dog, titan of the global weed industry. Anyway, he talks, and it’s adorable, he’s a good boy. Anyway get this, he grows weed hydroponically in the ocean, like what?” He makes a mind blown motion with one hand along with an explosion sound and continues “so he grows all this weed on the Ocean. Anyway before we found his island, we come across this Tijuana Tinkers freighter. They rollin barrels wrapped in wires into the ocean. So we yell at ‘em. MC Hippy, he tears them a new ass hole. I tell them they are nothing like Bud Buddy’s hot mom, he agrees, which is funny, cause you know, that’s his mom. Anyway I think they may have rollin a few extra barrels in cause it destroys Atlas’s crop. But apparently in smaller amounts it would have destroyed us when we smoked it. So kinda lucky on that account. Anyway all hope seemed lost for Atlas’s crop. Until the Today I Found Out YouTuber, Simon Whistler, in his infinite wisdom, saved us all, by educating us on Selectacyde, which may have been made by the terrorists Massad. Anyway Simon Whistler tells us about the Gx Snail and how rare it is. That’s when I remembered Debby Downer’s pet shop and how it always had that snail that could keep any tank clean. And that’s when I called you. So…”
DJ Smokey’s dad says “um, ok, I don’t know,- Wait, did you say the terrorists Mossad? Do you think Mossad is a terrorist group? Please tell me you don’t actually think the Israeli Intelligence organization is a terrorist group?”
“Are they not?” DJ Smokey wonders
His dad, exhales sharply and rubs his face saying “no, they’re- Fuck, never mind. Ok so you need this Snail to clean the Ocean of Selectacyde, which some Tijuana company dumped into the Ocean to destroy weed plants grown by a talking dog. Do I got that right?”
DJ Smokey says “yeah, yeah, yeah. And, well, wait you’re a lawyer right dad? Yeah, are there any legal stuff we could do against these Tinkers?”
His dad responds “No, unfortunately because of the CTT there isn’t really any legal recourse for drug dealers. But, well there might be an environmental code we could use. I’ll look into it.”
“Awesome, and?” DJ Smokey says.
“And I’ll call Debby Downer, and I’ll give her your number. I don’t wanna talk to her longer than I have to, and I don’t think she does either. Then I’ll look into gettin a lawsuit against those Tijuana Tinkering sacks a shit.”
“Awesome thanks dad.”
“Of course. I can’t believe these corporations are still destroying the planet with literal poison. And I’m proud that you’re steppin back from your Techno-Rap pipedream to take an interest in the environment.” His father replied.
“HEY, Techno-Rap’s gonna be huge, you’ll see, you’ll all see.” DJ Smokey replies as his dad just rolls his eyes and laughs saying “ok, whatever, we’ll be in touch.” And hangs up. DJ Smokey puts his phone in his pocket as he lifts his leg, thrusts his arm and screams “FUCK YES!”
Everyone looks over at him as he runs to them saying “I got it I got the G, whatever, MO snail.”
MC Hippy looks at him in shock asking “what? How?”
“How indeed?” Atlas wonders.
“My dad’s gonna call Debby Downer.”
“How does an idiom help get the GX3 Sea Snail?” Atlas wonders.
DC Smokey looks offended as he says “well there’s no need to talk that way about Debby. She’s not an idiot, she’s actually really smart. She went to college, but didn’t fail any of the ics subjects.”
Atlas says, "idiom not idiot.” As the Stoner Kidz laugh.
MC Bud Buddy turns to Atlas saying “yeah, but no that’s his dad’s hot ex.”
The laughter fades as MC Hippy says “dood.”
MC Bud Buddy says “what? Y’all call my mom hot all the time, and she ain’t even his mom, I mean he admitted himself she was hot.”
“Oh bangin.” DJ Smokey says, "but she also runs a pet shop, sells that snail. So she can hook us up.”
Atlas says, “I don’t want anymore bullies on my island.”
DJ Smokey looks at him confused asking bullies? She’s not a bully.”
“All humans are bullies,” Atlas says firmly as he walks inside his cave. The group stands in silence. Before Alfa Ape signs “I’ll talk to him.” And follows Atlas in. DJ Smokey gives him a thumbs up as the Stoner Kidz turns to him asking “what’d he say?”
“He said he’s gonna tell him how hot she is.” DJ Smokey answers confidently. The rest of the Stoner Kidz face palm and pace saying “oh, god, why’d we even ask? That’ll teach us.”
DJ Smokey says “what? What? You guys? What?”
Inside the cave Atlas turns to Alfa Ape and barks “GET ALL THOSE BULLIES OUT OF HERE!” Outside the Stoner Kidz hear this yell as they all slump. DJ Smokey says “I didn’t wanna upset the dog. I’ll go tell him I’m sorry” As he steps forward. Charlie Chimp gets in front of him waving his arms and shaking his head. A universal sign that even DJ Smokey can accurately understand, as he slumps his head and paces back. Inside the cave Alfa Ape signs to Atlas, “I don’t think they’re bullies! They’re trying to help.”
“Like a bully is trying to help hydrate you when he gives you a swirly? ALL HUMANS ARE BULLIES! EVERY, SINGLE, ONE!” Atlas yells.
Alfa Ape stares on in wonder, simply signing “ever?”
“YES! EVER!” Atlas yells as he slumps his head. He quietly continues “well, maybe not, ever! Cromag, he was, he was good human.” As he lets out a small whine before shaking his head violently saying “but he’s dead. He’s gone, and now, now only the bullies remain!”
Alfa Ape walks towards Atlas and scratches his butt, then signs “you’re smart enough to know, that statistically speaking, that doesn’t make sense. I mean you can’t possibly believe that non bully humans are only one in eight billion?”
“Find me another one!” Atlas barks
Alfa Ape moves his hands to say, “I can show you four right out there.”
Atlas rolls his eyes saying “those fucking idiots? That think we care about a picture of a human in a bikini?”
Alfa Ape nods as he signs “yeah sure they’re idiots, who assume Gorillas are attracted to Humans. And seem to forget that they’re the only ones that wear clothes anyway. I mean I see naked apes every day, why would I care about a hairless one covered up?” They both laugh, before Alfa Ape continues “BUT, they do care. You know what the one they call Smokey did when he first saw my Gorilla guard?” Atlas shook his head and Alfa Ape continued “he tried to hug them! Yeah that’s right, he tried to hug armed and armored Gorillas. They yelled at a Cartel boat about environmentalism. And what was the first thing That Smokey one told you?” Atlas slumps his head as he says “Doggo. He told me Doggo said hi.”
“Right then walked into a spear to try and comfort you. Sure, too stupid to read the room, but still he tried, hurt himself trying. They are helping, they can help. So let them help!” Atlas slumps his head as he lays down and thinks as he whines. Alfa Ape sits by him scratching his butt.
Outside the cave the Stoner Kidz talk somberly. “We shouldn’t have come.” MC Hippy says. “Yeah I didn’t wanna cause any trouble” DJ Flower says.
DJ Smokey just about to talk as his ringtone "all my friends are stoners, everyone I know gets high”- He picks up “hello?”
On the other line Debby says “hey, it’s Debby, your dad said you needed some GX3 snails, and you’re on an island or something?”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. How many can you get?”
“How many do you need?” Debby asked.
“As many as you can get. I’ll pay whatever.”
Debby laughs saying “ok, don’t worry about that. But, um, how do I get to the Island?”
DJ Smokey thinks for a moment then answers “ok, well we’ll come meet you and then, bring them back. Atlas doesn’t want anyone else here so we’ll just come meet you then bring ‘em back, then leave ourselves so we don’t cause any more trouble.”
“Ok but do we have that kinda time? Your dad made it sound pretty urgent?”
“No, we don’t Atlas barked as he stood majestically on the cliff right outside his cave. “Tell her to gather up snails. Then wait outside her shop for one of my mules, he’s already on the way. He can guide her to the hovercraft. We can have her here in an hour, two tops.”
DJ Smokey says, “did you get that?”
Debby answers “yeah! Oh my god! Is that a talking dog? And did he say hovercraft?”
MC Hippy asks “wait how could she get here that quickly? It took us like days.
Atlas is about to speak before DJ Smokey says, “because hovercrafts, hover, they have no drag, allowing them to go much faster.” Everyone looks at him in shock as he continues “ok, thanx Debby, See ya soon!” Then hangs up. As the Stoner Kidz throw their hands up and laugh saying “ok, that makes sense.”
As they wait. DJ Smokey ignites a joint as he sits off the cliff. The rest of the Stoner Kidz surround him. As he inhales deeply, MC Bud Buddy says “hey man, quit bogarting and lemme hit that.”
DJ Smokey says “hold on man, damn” as he takes one more deep hit and hands it off to MC Bud Buddy. MC Hippy says “I can’t believe that was a cartel front we yelled at.”
“Yeah, we’re lucky to be alive.” MC Bud Buddy said with a cough as he handed the joint to DJ Flower. Before taking a hit DJ Flower said “yeah, maybe we shouldn’t a yelled at ‘em.”
DJ Smokey said “is that what Jesus would do?” DJ Flower squinted his eyes in confusion as he inhaled and DJ Smokey continued “stop wrong doing, unless it gets really scary? Didn’t he flip over tables in a church that was gambling? Yellin not in my father’s house?”
DJ Flower exhaled a thick cloud of smoke followed by a cough saying “that was different.”
“Oh yeah cause it wasn’t dangerous at all to crash a criminal poker game.” DJ Smokey said sarcastically.
MC Hippy took the joint from DJ Flower as he said with a laugh “well to be fair, Jesus can’t die right? So nothing’s really dangerous for him” before taking a hit. They all laughed, except DJ Flower who just shook his head. Then he spoke saying “well I know one thing for sure Jesus wouldn’t do. He wouldn’t let this Manny motha fucker get away with teaming with a violent cartel to kill the environment in an attempt to kill pot heads.”
The Stoner Kidz nod as DJ Smokey has an idea, pointing his finger up saying “yeah and we shouldn’t either.”
“We shouldn’t. But what do you propose we do about it?” MC Hippy asks
MC Bud Buddy says “yeah I mean like who the fuck are we?”
DJ Smokey says “we’re the Techno-Rap group with more than a hundred thousand followers. Maybe we could spread the word, start a boycott. Cause like even if they are just your hot moms alt accounts, she’s gotta have alotta followers, given how hot she is, so spread the word to her, she spreads it to them.”
“Ya know that’s actually a good idea.” MC Bud Buddy says as his friends start to laugh and he continues “not about my mom bein hot. I still don’t really like that. But the, ya know? The other part.” The Stoner Kidz laugh as MC Hippy takes out his phone.
DJ Smokey says “get it ready” as he runs off.
MC Hippy looks at him, confused asking “where are you going?”
“I’m gonna go tell Atlas what we’re doin. I wouldn’t wanna upset him anymore then we already have.” As the Stoner Kidz nod. DJ Smokey enters the upper cave, seeing Atlas lay on his red velvet bed. He yells “Dog Atlas. We were gonna make a video a stream, to tell all of our followers, mostly Bud Buddy’s hot mom, to boycott Manny.”
Atlas looks up, shakes his head saying “it won’t work!”
DJ Smokey says “I dunno, she’s really hot.” Atlas abouts rolls his eyes as DJ Smokey continues “either way though. It’s what Jesus would do, probably. And maybe you’re right, maybe it won’t work, but, like, we’ve got to try. If that’s ok?”
Atlas simultaneously annoyed and endeared says “alright have your stream.”
DJ Smokey says “thanx I knew you were a good boy” as he approaches to pet Atlas before Alfa Ape steps in front of him. He stops, raises his hands saying “whoa, sorry, just wanted to give you some pets. Apologies.” As he turns the other way and runs out smiling, yelling to his friends “START THE STREAM! START THE STREAM! WE GOT PERMISSION FROM THE BIG DOG HIMSELF!” As MC Hippy presses a button on his phone and holds it in front of the rest of the Stoner Kidz, huddled together.
DJ Smokey jumps in the huddle before anyone can speak saying “Hi all, especially Bud Buddy’s hot mom” as he makes a phone symbol with his fingers holding them to his ear, mouthing silently call me. MC Bud Buddy nudges him as he clears his throat saying “right. Anyway, we’re the Stoner Kidz, you guys know us, we do the best genre of music ever created, Techno-Rap.”
“But we also as our name implies, mine especially, smoke bud, like alot, like copious amounts of Ganja” MC Bud Buddy interjects.
DJ Flower begins “and that’s what this is about. You guys probably know about Manny, second largest weed dealer in the game. But he can’t compete with Atlas”-
“He’s a good boy!” DJ Smokey interrupts.
DJ Flower continues “yes he is, a Great Dane, that makes not just good weed but great weed”-
“They don’t call ‘em good danes” DJ Smokey interrupts.
The Stoner Kidz laughs as MC Hippy turns his phone to his face saying “right, wouldn’t wanna down play their greatness.” before flipping it back around.
DJ Flower continues “Right. Anyway rather than compete on a free market, Manny decided it would be better to try and kill everyone that smokes Atlas’s great weed.”
“Which given the numbers of people who do, seems like that might even classify as genocide. Am I right college boy?” As he looks at MC Hippy, who flips his phone again saying “perhaps. But if that doesn’t, him leaking Selectacyde into the Ocean certainly would. And if y’all don’t understand how bad Selectacyde is, there’s an excellent Today I Found Out video where Simon Whistler explains it”-
“Oh yeah, Simon Whisler’s the GOAT!” DJ Smokey interrupts, off camera.
MC Hippy says "definitely, shout out Simon Whistler, absolute legend. Anyway, this is not just a more you know PSA. No this is a call to action. Anyone watching this who cares about potheads dying or environmental harm. We are asking you to boycott, Manny, and his Cartell partners.” As the Stoner Kidz come around huddling by MC Hippy. DJ Smokey says “yeah, and if you don’t care about pot heads dying or the environment, then, what exactly is your ethical philosophy again, cause that sounds, awesome!” As they all laugh. DJ Smokey continues “and it’s worth keepin in mind, boycotting Manny is definitely what Jesus would do, all biblical scholars agree, right DJ Flower?”
DJ Flower laughs as he says “definitely!” Followed by them all laughing. Just before they end the stream a comment in the chat reads “OMG! Is that him? Is that Atlas? The dog himself!” The Stoner Kidz turn around, surprised to see Atlas standing majestically outside his cave, as he lets out a loud bark. MC Hippy turns and points the phone at Atlas as he zooms in Atlas then speaks “Yes, hello, bull- Humans, I am Atlas, yes I talk, and Yes Manny can’t compete with me, so he tried to kill you instead. That is not something I count as acceptable and any store front that stands with me and this boycott in refusing to accept a genocide. Well I will offer you to be among the first human distributors I work with. Weed that’s twice as good, at half the price. The Frank Lucas strategy, and with the Frank Lucas strategy, you can’t lose!” The Stoner Kidz cheered “WHOA!” As the stream ends.
Debby smiles, hugs him back saying “hello DJ Smokey, good to see you. How’s you and your little friends rap group goin?”
“It’s Techno-Rap actually, which is way better, even if people don’t know it yet.”
Debby laughs saying “oh, well my mistake.”
The Stoner Kidz watch this reunion with wide eyes and hung open mouths. DJ Flower says “wow! she is hot!”
MC Hippy nods, adding “yeah she might even be hotter than MC Bud Buddy’s mom.”
MC Bud Buddy says “yeah! I mean, no, that, you guys need to stop constantly talkin about how hot my mom is.”
“Yeah, well maybe we will now that we’ve been introduced to the lovely Debby Downer IRL.” DJ Flower says as MC Hippy nods.
MC Bud Buddy smiles for a moment asking “really?”
MC Hippy and DJ Flower look at each other, shake their heads and laugh saying “no, not a chance.”
MC Bud Buddy’s excited smile fades as he says “I hate you guys.” As his friends continue to laugh. Atlas approaches, and not one to care about human tact says “stop talking about how hot she is, and let’s get down to business.” The Stoner Kidz look at Atlas saying “SHHHSH, DAWG, DOG!” As Debby smiles and laughs. Atlas approaches her saying “hello, I am Atlas.” As he raises a paw. Debby laughs saying “wow, the weed world titan himself, you really do talk, nice to, ah meet you.” As she grabs and shakes his paw.
Atlas says “indeed, charmed, I’m sure. Now did you bring the GX3 Sea Snail?”
Debby nods and unbungees a bag from the Mules back, opening it to reveal a large tank full of odd looking, large Snails. That each seem to have two little shells growing out of the main one, with even tinier Snail heads inside them. The Stoner Kidz surround the tank with wide eyes of fascination as they lean in close. DJ Smokey taps the tank saying “they’re like three in one.”
Debby nods saying “that’s why they eat so fast, three mouths. It’s also why they can break things down that no other organism can. Three digestive tracts, each unique microbiome.”
“Wow!” The Stoner Kidz say in unison. As Charlie Chimp comes hopping up and over signing “are they here? The GX3 Snails.” As he pushes through the Stoner Kidz, looking at them in fascination. He then signs “we must get them to my lab, ready to deploy properly!”
Chimpanzees glide over the sea in their hovercrafts, looking at GPS screens and deploying the Sea Snails in strategic locations across the Ocean. The Stoner Kidz yawn as they watch in amazement. Atlas then says “thank you for your help Miss Downer.”
“Miss Downer? Oh no cutey like you can call me Debby” she responds with a laugh.
Atlas says “very well Debby. Thank you. Now if you’ll excuse me, it is time for my late night walk.”
DJ Smokey turns and says “oh hey we’ll walk with you. C’mon guys” as he motions to his friends saying “oh yeah, let’s go.” Atlas hesitates, standing still and silent, not knowing what to say or how he feels about this. In an out of character astute moment for DJ Smokey he notices this and motions to his friends to stop saying “unless, you don’t want us to.” Atlas looks down to the ground as DJ Smokey continues “ok, no, that’s fine. These guys are gettin kinda tired anyway. Enjoy your walk.”
Atlas nods saying “thank you for understanding. Alfa Ape and Bravo Ape are setting up a tent for you guys in the back over there” as he motions his head to the right, then continues on his way to walk alone. The Stoner Kidz wonder “Tent? Like one, for all of us?” As they walk where Atlas motioned. Wondering how that was gonna work until they saw it. A large, luxury house tent. They stood there eyes wide watching lights shine from inside through the thin white canvas. Debby said “I think we’ll be fine. This is bigger than my house.”
"This is bigger than my church” DJ Flower said. They all laughed as Alfa Ape, Bravo Ape, and Charlie Chimp walked out. Charlie Chimp signed “so we got you all set up with cots, lights, some books, A TV, I even hacked netflix for you, SHH!” The Stoner Kidz stood there in shock as Debby pulled her hand from her jaw. As they walked away. The Stoner Kidz look at Debby asking “whatid they say?”
DJ Smokey perked up but Debby responded before he could “they said they got us set up with cots, light, even hacked Netflix.”
DJ Smokey said “ah, yeah, yeah that’s what they said, exactly, good job Debby you’re learning.” They all laughed as they ran inside, except DJ Smokey, he looked at the Gorillas walking away and called “HEY” as they turned around and saw him running towards them arms wide into a hug, he said “you guys are the best!” The Gorillas, confused, began to smile as they patted his back.
As Atlas walked hearing the buzzing waves from the hovercrafts in the distance, he imagined Cromag behind him. The image of Cromag, smiling, smoking a cigarette soon morphed into the Stoner Kidz, smoking a joint, laughing and talking about academic fields that end with ics. Atlas almost laughed, then cried. He whined as he felt alone, but wondered how to connect. Can I even anymore? It has been so long, he asked himself, as he whined thinking, maybe I cannot, but I would like to, try, maybe. He whined as he regretted not taking DJ Smokey up on his offer.
In the Tent the Stoner Kidz laughed as they passed a joint between them watching High School. “Best stoner movie EVER! I don’t care what anyone says” MC Hippy said.
“Here! Here!” the rest chanted.
“Very underrated for sure” Debby said as she took the joint from a shocked DJ Smokey. She asked “what?” As she breathed in deep.
“You, you”-
“It’s not like I gotta go to work tomorrow. I’ll be up for a bit, might as well take a hit.”
The Stoner Kidz laughed as DJ Flower said “hey that rhymed. you’re like a poet but you didn’t know it” with a laugh. Debby laughed as DJ Smokey said “dood.”
“What?” DJ Flower wondered
“She did know it, she writes poetry, she’s like published.”
“Oh shit” DJ Flower said as they all laughed.
Debby took another deep hit saying “yeah, this whole thing has inspired me, and this weed is gettin the ‘ol synapses firin" as she tapped her head with her finger and continued “I might be up all night writin.”
DJ Smokey said “yeah me too.”
MC Bud Buddy said “oh yeah right, you been yawning this whole time, but told Atlas it was us who was tired.”
“Dude, I never sleep, Yawning’s how I stay awake.” DJ Smokey says as they all laugh saying “oh yeah right” sarcastically throwing pieces of popcorn at him.
His dad responded on the other line saying “hey son. So I wanted to let you know I filed some paperwork against Tijuana Tinkering. If you could send me the photos and stuff you got, as well as some samples of the infected water and stuff.”
DJ Smokey said “yeah, yeah, I’ll send you the pictures right now and I’ll try and get the samples but those aren’t mine so that might”- He was interrupted by the frightening sound of bustling bushes. Looking scared until Atlas came out saying “I will get you the samples.”
DJ Smokey smiled saying “oh, you really are a good boy.”
His dad responded “what?”
DJ Smokey said "sorry dad, talkin to the dog. But he’ll get you those samples. With that we’ve already won huh?”
His dad exhaled sharply saying “yeah well it’ll help but”-
DJ Smokey asked his hesitant dad “what? What is it?”
His dad exhaled sharply again saying “well it's just, these international lawsuits are expensive and my firm just doesn’t have the funding to go as far as we might need to go. I’m reaching out to some larger firms but”-
DJ Smokey frowns, concerned, until Atlas barks “tell him to go to the 420 year round club offices. File drawer 404, code 404420.”
DJ Smokey said “hold on dad” moving his phone from his mouth asking “what’s there?”
“Old debit cards, accounts still active.” Atlas answered.
“How, how much?” DJ Smokey asked.
“Total? Millions” DJ Smokey’s eyes widened as his smile returned and Atlas continued “no scratch that, billions” DJ Smokey’s smile kept growing and Atlas kept going “no, scratch that, billions upon billions, upon billions.”
DJ Smokey’s grin and eyes were as wide as they could be but still trying to grow as he moved the phone back to his mouth saying “dad, is a billion dollars enough?”
“A billion- Yeah, that would be enough, he said with a laugh.”
“Ok the 420 year round club, file drawer 404, code 420404. I can text that to you, there you should have everything you need. Now I gotta go, thanks dad, love you.”
“Love you too son.”
DJ Smokey hung up as he petted Atlas’s head saying “you are a good boy” he then stopped and said “oh, sorry.” as he sat down and ignited a joint.
Atlas sat next to him saying “you sure your dad can get this done?”
“Of course, he’s literally named for this shit.” Atlas looked at him, tilting his head and he continued “Justice, his name is Justice!” They laughed as DJ Smokey put his arm on Atlas and asked, “you want a hit?” Atlas leaned his head over, DJ Smokey lifted his ear, took a hit and exhaled into Atlas’s ear. They both laughed again.
The next morning Manny sat in his office watching the news. On the TV he saw a face he recognized, got confused and turned it up hearing the face say “I represent Ye Ol’ Budd Shoppe. And we wanted to officially announce that we will be taking Atlas’s offer of great Great Dane bud. We can no longer in good conscience work with Manny. He does not represent the values of our stockholders, employees, or our customers. Thank you.” Manny jumped up screaming “WHAT?” As he picked up his phone, saying “Guy, what’s goin on? We have a good”-
“Don’t call me again Manny. You're a monster, we want nothing to do with you.” Guy yelled before hanging up. Manny yelled “SO WHAT YOU’RE GONNA GET WEED FROM A FUCKIN MUT? HELLO? HELLO? SHIT!” As he threw the phone down. He then picked it up as he dialed, he said Don Lepitez, he’ll know what to do.”
“Hola,” Don Lepitez answered.
“Don, Don Lepitez. We have a problem they’re droppin me. What happened? What’s next?”
Don Lepitez said calmly “nothing. I cannot help you anymore Manny. My largest front is facing a large international lawsuit. I could lose it and if I lose this, I lose everything. I have to look out for me and my family's legacy, you understand. Don’t call me again. I can’t afford the association. Bye!” As he hung up.
Manny screamed “NO! Don, wait”- but only a static beep tone replied. “SHIT!” Manny screamed as he threw the phone again, this time cracking it.
The Stoner Kidz ran up to Atlas’s upper cave screaming in excitement “ATLAS! ATLAS DID YOU HEAR? LOOK” As MC Hippy held his phone screen towards Atlas showing videos of dispensary representatives talking and news article links as he explained "they're ditching Manny. They’re takin you up on your offer. Ye ‘OL Budd Shoppe, Greedy Weedy, all of ‘em!” Atlas looked, becoming happy as he saw post after post disavowing Manny and embracing him. He spoke “that, that is really good news.”
“That’s not all” Charlie Chimp signed as he came in. “The Snails worked, no trace of Selectacyde anywhere. This lady really came through.”
Debby Downer smiled saying “I’m just glad I could help.”
Atlas said “thank you. Now let’s get our crop planted.”
“Already on it!” Charlie Chimp said.
Atlas said “great! Now it is just about time for my walk.”
Charlie Chimp nodded and walked out as DJ Smokey said “oh yeah, of course. We’ll go get the Deby Downer turned on.” Debby laughed and DJ Smokey clarified “the boat, so we can leave you to your”-
Atlas interrupted “if, if you’d like to tour the Island, you’re welcome to join me on my walk. If you’d like?”
DJ Smokey and the other Stoner Kidz looked shocked as they slowly began to smile saying “really? Hell yeah, let’s go!” As they headed out back.
Atlas said “gimme a minute" as he sat, opened the envelope and read;
Hey Atlas, thanks for lookin out for my son. Anyway, I found this old file in some of Cromag's old stuff. Thought you might appreciate it. If you’d like help doing something with it, well my son knows how to reach me. Thanks, Justice Esquire.
Atlas looked at the file below marked Animal Independence Pact (AIP). He almost teared up as he heard a laughing DJ Smokey call “c’mon bud, we walkin or what?”
ATLAS+FRIENDS WILL RETURN IN AN INDEPENDENCE DAY STORY; ANIMAL INDEPENDENCE PACT!!!
