A 420 Ester Story; The Garden Of Weeden

 

Joshua Kriss, an old man lies on his bed, recalling his life and his old friends who he has outlived. He dozes off as the memories turn into a dream. As a teenager he gets a call from one of his now dead friends “hey Dave” he says as he answers the phone. Dave on the other end says “dude, man, I just got a call from you” “I don’t think so” Joshua responds, Dave continues “Nah dude not you you, but like future you, older you, like way older" "dude how stoned are you?” Joshua asks, “like wicked baked, but that’s not relevant” Dave answers as Joshua interrupts “I think it is very relevant” Dave continues "nah dude, it was legit you and besides it's not like tetrahydrocannabinol is a hallucinogenic". Joshua was shocked by the overly technical term, “tetro- hydro- what-anol?” he asked. Dave answers “tetrahydrocannabinol, that’s what you, or future you told me THC stands for, “that doesn’t sound like me, but it literally is a hallucinogenic” Joshua responds “oh ya you said that too, and it sounds a lot like older you, he’s really smart. Anyway, he gave me directions to a giant weed plant, like infinite he, or you said, I’m on my way over I got a map down like a treasure map, we need to find this thing man, you read maps, right?” Dave asks. “What no, especially not a treasure map you just drew” Joshua responds, “oh, well future you does, like I said he’s really smart”.

When Dave arrived at Joshua's house, he was so excited he jumped off his bicycle before it stopped and ran over to Joshua as it hit the ground. “Dude dude” he said as he ran over while taking off his backpack and opening it up, “here’s the map” he handed Joshua a piece of paper that looked older than it should, on it was a map, that looked no more readable than a child’s napkin drawing that wouldn’t even make it on the fridge. Joshua looked at it, flabbergasted, as Dave pointed to it, saying, see there’s the park where the weed guy always meets us, that’s where we start and then we go east, or north, or west, or maybe it was south, anyway we go one of those directions and then see the X marks the spot” he finished speaking while pointing to a big red X. Joshua said “ya I figured that but what direction do we go?” “Like I said man east, north, west, or south, definitely one of those”, Dave replied Joshua looked dumbfounded as he spoke “well ya I figured we needed to go in a direction, but which one? That seems important. “Whatever man we’ll figure it out now grab your bike and let’s go” Dave said, before Joshua asked “we’ll figure it out? What do you mean? You just want to walk every possible direction until we reach a giant red X?” “No man it won’t be an actual X, it’ll be a big green plant, an infinite weed plant with magical secrets to tell” Dave answered, before Joshua continued in his sarcastically skeptical tone “Oh now this plant is gonna give us magical information? “Doesn’t weed always though” Dave answers now inexplicably smoking a joint, “dude now you're smoking before we go look for a magic plant we can smoke?” Joshua says surprised before Dave nods as he inhales and says “ya, you wanna hit before we go?” holding the joint toward Joshua who pauses for a second, before saying “ya gimme that shit” as he takes the joint hits it and continues while inhaling “let’s go”

    They continue on their weeks-long journey. They smoke, chat, laugh and campout beneath the stars. One night while lying below the star lit black sky as they pass a joint between them and talk. “How are things with Eve?” Dave asks “Oh there great, I swear Ima marry that girl” Joshua answers as Dave continues “ya I always knew you two were made for each other said it from the start, that’s why I didn’t date her” Joshua laughs at this and says “ya, like you would have a chance, c’mon you know she woulda never dated your dorkey ass” “Hey man I’m smooth as MiraLAX when I wanna be” Dave responds while trying to hold back laughter that he could not for too long before cracking up with a cough and smoke exhaling his nose. Joshua does the same “ya right smooth as MiraLAX, that ain’t the kinda smooth you want with chicks” “hey smooth is smooth man” the laughter continues for what time dilation made feel like hours. After the laughter calms down Dave continues “ah, but seriously, merry her, have some kids, live the dream man, but I know you will, future you told me” Joshua then said, “I don’t need some future seer to tell me that, I’m definitely gonna marry her, now quit bogarting and lemme hit that shit”. He did.

Joshua wakes up wheezing but happy. They never did find that weed plant but damn if that wasn’t the best trip of his life, well one of the best, second only to his honeymoon with Eve, who has long since died at this point, just like everyone, how had Joshua outlived all his friends he wondered, now sick and frail, he had the thought well soon, I’m definitely gonna have to call past Dave soon, if it was for real, but then remembered more about the trip, some more information Dave had told him about the call, the memories again became a dream, a waking dream this time.

    On a trail, far up a mountain, neither Dave nor Joshua knew where they were. Dave said “I think this is the spot” “where? I don’t see no giant weed plant” Joshua responds. “No, I know but like it should be around here somewhere, this is where you said we’d meet” “wait we’re gonna meet future me now? Like when I’m super old, probably near death” Joshua responds with a slight giggle before Dave answers “near death, no way man, you never die, thanks to that weed plant ""wait it’s like the cannabis of eternal youth or something?” Joshua asks. “Or something man, it connects everything, it holds up world upon world and all those who die near it are remembered, part of some collective, no not collective but not an individual either, you were very clear, but what was the word you used, halan, holon, holon that’s it” Dave said to Joshua, looking confused, he wonders aloud “what the hell is a holon?” “A holon is everything man, both a part and a whole, you were very clear about that part, less so about the infinite worlds held together by this infinite weed plant, or some kinda titan, or great dane or something, I heard one barking in the background” Dave answered as Joshua continued the questioning “wait you heard a dog barking, while I’m in a collective consciousness?” Dave corrected him “nah man I heard a great dane barking, while you called me from the holon" "ok I still don’t understand what a holon is, but how’d you know it was a great dane? Just from a bark?” Joshua continues. “They have a very distinctive bark, and don’t worry nobody really does, we all think too much with our ego, not enough with our superego, once we can do that all will be revealed” Dave said profoundly.

Joshua, still wheezing on his bed, remembering all Dave had taught him that apparently, he taught Dave. For the first time in his long life, he started to wonder, what if it was all true, what if everything Dave had said was legit? Why was Joshua thinking this now? That he didn’t know, but he knew one thing, he knew: he still had the pictures from that trip, and that old treasure map. Coughing, he got out of bed and walked to his garage where he took out a bunch of boxes and chests and began digging through them. He came across his old self lighting pipe, held it in his hand, staring at it with a nostalgic smile on his face before he continued looking through the boxes until he found it. That old dusty picture book, with the treasure map still inside. He looked at the treasure map and somehow, for the first time it all made sense, he knew exactly where he needed to go. So, he left, didn’t even pack, he just grabbed his old golden self-lighting pipe and began the quest in his nightgown. He was gonna find that infinite world growing cannabis plant of eternal youth yet. Still wheezing as he walked but the closer, he got the more it stopped. Doctors had long said he was near death and not to exert himself, but he was on a mission and wouldn’t let himself die until he arrived at that magical weed plant, joined that holon, or became one, whatever the case may be, and of course after all that he had a very important call to make.

    Joshua soon arrived at that old trail. He walked up it as unseen birds chirped around the familiar environment. It looked exactly the same as he remembered it, almost like he and Dave were the last people to have been there. As he walked, he felt younger and as though Dave was right beside him, like a shadow, or a ghost, he felt his presence which strengthened his resolve. He soon reached that mountain peak that he and Dave had so long ago. He said to himself “Ok what did we miss? I didn’t know then, but I know now that you were right. I can feel it, I just can’t see it.” Joshua looked around as a breeze blew over him causing him to turn around where he finally saw it. What he and Dave had thought was a tree and as such didn’t give it a second look. “That’s what we missed? A tree?” Joshua wondered to himself in confusion, before continuing “unless, no, it’s not a tree” as he walked over to it and kicked it hard causing a dust storm as dirt fell from the heavens and what was revealed was a cannabis plant unlike any that he or anyone had ever seen, like the giant beanstalk but bud instead of beans. Joshua sat at the base and said to himself quietly “I found it Dave, you were right, here’s to you” as he picked a bud, put it in that old self lighting pipe and inhaled deep as he closed his eyes, dying, but only for now.

    What he saw was indescribable, he felt as though he was being reborn, or hatched, resurrecting from an egg, but he suddenly understood exactly what a holon was, he understood everything, he saw everything, all of time, not just his own past but all the history of all the worlds. Like traveling to them all at once, he spoke to historical figures, he preached kindness and love, he told those to give up their belongings and help their world. He preached thinking with the ego, not the superego. He saw world after world growing from this infinite cannabis stalk. And he realized he had been here before. He then remembered to call Dave. He just thought it, no phone, he didn’t even remember Daves number, but soon a voice said, “This is Dave talk to me”.

Joshua spoke only in his mind, “Dave my old friend you were right, I found it, we found it” “found what?” Dave asked “EVERYTHING” Joshua answers. “What? Who is this?” Dave asked. “We are everyone, we are everything, but you would know us as Joshua” “Joshua you don’t sound like Joshua, and who’s us? Dave responded “I am” Joshua answered. “Have you joined a cult?” Dave questioned with concern as Joshua reassured him “no, I died, but then I saw, I stopped thinking with my ego and began thinking with my super ego” “Wait you’re dead and now a part of a collective consciousness?” Dave asked, shocked but curious and just high enough to buy it. “No, I am both a collective and an individual, yet neither a collective nor an individual, I am both yet neither, I am a part and a whole I am as we all are, all the things in all the worlds, I am a holon” Joshua explained as Dave tried to understand “wait worlds? Like plural? As in more than one?” “Infinite and you and I have seen them all we just don’t remember” Joshua replied “I have never visited another world, I’ve never even been outside of the US, I think I’d remember visiting another world” Dave said. “No, you have, you are right now see every time you smoke that weed you and I love so much you see it, but then immediately forget, you know how tetrahydrocannabinol affects the memory” Joshua explains before Dave asks what Joshua had all those years ago “tetro- hydro- what-anol?” Joshua spoke again “tetrahydrocannabinol It is the hallucinogenic compound in cannabis commonly abbreviated as THC” Dave was about to speak but Joshua interrupted and continued “I know you have more questions, don’t worry answers are everywhere, you just have to look with your superego, now take out that piece of paper you have and write this down” Dave wondered how Joshua knew he had paper on him, but didn’t ask and took it out of his pocket and said “ok I’m ready” as Joshua continued “first draw the park where the weed guy always meets us, then draw lines in all directions, east, north, west, and south, you must travel them all. At some point, high on a mountain, where no one ever goes, you will see it and all will be revealed, you will remember all those worlds the ones that are, the ones that have been and the ones yet to come, growing like eggs, hatching out of buds, of a plant very familiar to us all” Dave said “wait what? Where?” Joshua smiles and finishes his speech “X marks the spot of course, don’t worry I will understand, I won’t believe you, but I will understand,

now I must go, it is the twentieth of April somewhere and another world is hatching, as a great dane is being born as a Titan to hold it up” Before the call ended Dave heard the very distinctive bark of a great dane and tried to say “wait” but it was too late, the line was dead, but like Joshua would rise again or is still happening as time continues, static yet moving, as the superego already knows, what the ego is ignorant of. Joshua is known even to the ego though. A continuing influence throughout cultures, eras, and worlds. Known by different names in different languages. Maybe you know him as Yeshua in Hebrew. Lesous in Greek, or perhaps you’ve heard his English name, Jesus!

THE END

An April Fool's Day Story; The Jester's Audition

 

Jasper Jester was a comedian at a dangerous time to be one. The Middle Ages, in a small Kingdom, the Kingdom of Ridgerton. Because of its small size, it is one you have probably never heard of and was also one of the most tyrannical ones that existed. King Ridgerton was an heir of a feudal lord who was able to maintain his vast property and power when the Monarch of the greater empire subordinated all the other lords under his rule. In order to maintain this relative level of autonomy the Kingdom has always felt it necessary to maintain strict dominance over the peasants and serfs. This meant Jasper only had one chance to be able to be his comedic self, and that was to become the King's Jester. See Jesters were the only people that could get away with making jokes and not having to worry about being executed because their joke was a little too controversial. This is something Jasper has seen happen on more than one occasion. So he knew the only way to be himself and live his dream was to get the job of jester, a role he had dreamed of playing his whole life, a role he was born to play, a role he was literally named to play.

As it happens Jasper was in luck. He noticed a sign of yellowish parchment on a pole in the market by his home. It read; AUDITIONS FOR THE NEW COURT JESTER;  come by the castle in a fortnight and give your most entertaining act to King Ridgerton!  Upon reading this he ran back to his house. When he arrived, he said “I have the best news” his mother, Helga who was washing clothes in a bowl of muddy water said “What? Was the mutton on sale?” Jasper suddenly remembered he forgot to pick up the mutton he was sent to the market to get, he was too excited, he spoke “No, sorry I forgot that, but it's even better”- His mother interrupted “WHAT? You forgot the mutton, oh no they are gonna be out now, it is you fathers birthday, he saves all year so we can have meat this one night and you forget” Jasper responds “I know, I know I’m sorry, but this is better it could be an opportunity to eat mutton every night” “mutton every night? what are we gonna be royalty?” his mother asked sarcastically, before Jasper spoke excitedly “That’s what I’m trying to tell you, the King is holding auditions for a new court Jester, and I really think I have a chance, if I can just get to the castle in a fortnight, then”- his mother interrupted again “oh Jasper, I know you love your little jokes, but if you really think the King will, then you are a fool” Jasper says “So you agree I have a chance, oh thank you mom, I’m gonna go get ready, the trip to the castle will be long” as he gave his mom a side hug and a kiss on the cheek and went to the back of the shack to pack some stuff for the journey”

    Jasper planned on heading out that night though before he left his father got home. “Oh Henry, Jasper forgot the mutton and now has this crazy idea of becoming the court Jester, will you please tell him how foolish that is?” Helga screamed. Henry responded “Jesus Helga I just got home gimme a minute” Helga looked disturbed and said “I know I dropped this on you pretty fast and you are tired from your day but that is no reason to take our saviors name in vain” Henry “Replied ok, ok I’m sorry Helga” and gave her a kiss before continuing “So what is this about Jasper wanting to be a Jester?” “I don’t know he saw a poster in town and got so excited he forgot your mutton and” Helga was saying before Henry interrupted “well if he really did become the Jester we could be eating mutton every night” Jasper jumped in, smiling “That’s exactly what I said” Helga, looking irritated and flustered before continuing “don’t encourage him, he is too young, and although the neighbors love his little comedy routines the King has a very different sense of humor, and he might just execute Jasper on sight, is that what you want? For our son to be executed? “No of course not Helga” Henry said before being interrupted by Jasper “but mom that’s why I want to do this the risk is lower for Jesters” “lower but still very much present”. The exchange between Jasper and his mom resulted in raised voices and Henry spoke louder than any of them “OK OK JUST CALM DOWN”. Helga, just about in tears, begged “Oh please" Henry tell him how foolish this is. ""Well, it is foolish, but for a jester that’s half the job” Henry said as he smirked, and Jasper laughed as Helga stormed off.

    Jasper headed out that night with a few blankets, some nuts, and a torch in hand he began walking the dark trail toward the castle. He walked all night and all day till the next night when he got tired. He noticed a man sitting next to a small campfire. The man was roasting some pheasant on a stick over the fire. He moved one of the sticks with a roasted pheasant on it to Jasper and asked, “would you like some pheasant?” Jasper was surprised and thought for a moment. He only had nuts, so he said “yes, please, thank you” as he took the stick and sat next to the man. After taking a bite, he said “my name is Jasper” “good to meet you Jasper, I am Democratus” the man said. “Nice to meet you Democratus and thank you for the pheasant. It is really good, most people wouldn’t just offer a stranger meat,” Jasper said. “Would they not?” Democratus wondered, Jasper shook his head as Democratus continued “well that is a shame, man should look out for each other, after all who else will?” Jasper answered, “the King I suppose” “ah yes but the King is a man but only one man and how is one man supposed to adequately look out for hundreds of men?” Jasper shrugged as he finished his pheasant and Democratus continued “men need to look out for men and not rely on one man to rule” “but then who leads?” Jasper wondered “when leadership is necessary men will decide who to follow” Democratus answered. “What men?” Jasper asked, “all men” Democratus answered with a smile, “but peasants couldn’t decide who to lead” Jasper replied before Democratus asked “why not?” Jasper answered, “because peasants suck at being King” “sure, but the King sucks at being a peasant” Democratus replied as Jasper gasped. He had never heard one so unafraid of speaking so bluntly about the King, even still the thought stuck with him, the King does kinda suck at being a peasant, and that kinda makes sense, of course the King would be just as bad at being a peasant as a peasant would at being a king. He went to sleep with this thought still reeling in his mind.

    The next morning Jasper offered Democratus some nuts, but he refused saying “no you keep those” and even giving him another pheasant for the trip. As they said their goodbyes Jasper kept trekking through the woods. He was well fed and well rested, so he was able to walk a few days straight this time. As it began to rain, he came across a wagon with a colorful sign on it that read Al Chemist THE ALCHEMIST! Jasper knocked on the back door of the wagon and instantly the door swung open. “Hello there young lad come in, come in, before you get soaked” an odd-looking man said enthusiastically. He was wearing a long red coat black pants and a large black top hat with a red ribbon tied around it. Jasper went inside and said thank you sir I am-” The odd man put two fingers on his temple and interrupted saying “you are Jasper, Jasper Jester, on your way to audition for the job of your namesake” Jasper’s mouth was wide open in surprise before he spoke “yes, yes how did you know?” “My psychic potion” the odd man said as he held up a small vial of blue liquid. You see I am Al Chemist the alchemist and this is my laboratory” he continued loudly as he moved aside and motioned his arm as if to show it off.” Jasper looked around and noticed a bunch of stuff, but the most prevalent thing was snakes, all kinds, vipers, gardener, cobras, even a few Jasper had never seen before. He gulped and said in a surprised and frightened tone “snakes, why so many snakes?” Al answered “that’s how I make my potions, see snakes are a magical breed, their oils can do damn near everything, for example this one here produces an oil that allows me to glimpse the minds of men, that is how I knew your name” he said motioning to a gardener snake before continuing “And if you mix some of that with some of the vipers special secretions you get this potion” He took out two vials of red liquid taped together. “What are they?” Jasper asked. “I call it the other's shoes, a drop of your blood in one and a friends in the other, rub on your feet and you will become each other, know what the other is thinking and how they are feeling, walk in their shoes so to speak” Al answered. Jasper was in aww and continued to talk to the man long into the night until the sun came up the next morning. Before Jasper left Al said “here take this on the house” as he handed Jasper a vial of green liquid. Jasper said, “thanks but what is it?” “That one is called liquid laugh, just one swig and everything you say will be the funniest thing anyone has ever heard, don’t get me wrong your chances are high without it, but with it, they are guaranteed” Al answered with a wink a smile a nod and a tip of the hat. “Thank you” Jasper said with a bow as he took the potion and continued on his journey.

    Jasper soon gets to a place where he can see the castle. Tired and with time to spare he sits by a stream, leans against a tree to rest as he is very tired from his journey. After a short rest he begins to scoop some water in his hands to drink before a man yells “STOP!” Jasper looks up and sees a short stubby man walking briskly toward him. As the man gets closer Jasper asks “why?” the man responds “I have been investigating a string of illnesses in the area and that stream is the only common denominator, I believe it has tiny bugs in it making people sick if you look closely, you can see them” the man responds. Jasper looks at the water closely and then says, “I don’t see anything” the man responds, “you’re not looking close enough here” as he takes out a small telescope like thing and hands it to Jasper saying “look” Jasper looks and sees squiggly white lines swimming through the water. “OHH” Jasper screams as he leaps back in disgust. “If you are thirsty, you can drink this” the man hands Jasper a tin of water and continues “I just boiled that, I think the heat kills the bugs as I don’t see them in this. Jasper looks at the boiled water through the scope and sure enough no white lines. “Thank you” Jasper says as he takes the tin and swallows the water. The man says, “no problem, I wouldn’t want any more people to get sick, I’m Logrick by the way, what’s your name?” “I am Jasper” Jasper responds as he gulps down the last bit of water. “Good to meet you Jasper, so what brings you out here?” Logrick asks. “I am on my way to audition for the role of Court Jester” Jasper responds. “Oh well then it is a good thing you didn’t drink that water I don’t think the King would find being thrown up on very amusing at all” “ya, probably not” Jasper said with a laugh before continuing “how did you know the water was making people sick?” “well you see I was trying to figure out what the patients all had in common, as they were all types of very different people, I was at a loss until I realized this stream was the common water source for the castle and I knew that telescopes could help you see far away, so I thought maybe they could help me see very close, so I made this small one and looked at multiple samples of the water and noticed those worm like things in all of them, this led me to wonder where else they might be, that’s where I was when I noticed you, looking at different things, and I have to tell you they are everywhere. I think these tiny bugs might be why so many get sick”. 

Jasper was stunned and said “wow, have you considered snakes?” “Snakes? For what?” Logrick wondered “as a cure, see I met this Alchemist named Al Chemist and he told”- Logrick was shaking his head as he interrupted “oh no no, I know of who you speak, a nice guy, but a con artist, I have studied snakes, their oils can soften the skin but that’s about it, these alchemist medicine men sell promises of magic with no realistic backing. And even at best they are inferior methods of doing the mundane, like snake oil may soften the skin as I said, but it also stinks, much better to use the cheaper, sweeter honey” Jasper said well I don’t know he had some potion he called the other’s shoes said it could help people understand each other's thoughts and feelings, with merely a drop of blood, that sounds like it could be quite useful” Logrick looked confused and said “indeed it could, but I am a bit confused, don’t we already do that through language and communication? Isn’t that what we are doing now while neither of us bleed? Jasper thought about that as he walked with Logrick. 

    Soon they arrived at a small shack, Logrick opened the door and said, “come in, come in, make yourself at home.” Jasper followed Logrick inside the dinghy cabin. It was a mess full of interesting gizmos and gadgets, he saw telescopes of all different sizes, bottles full of an array of liquids, a fireplace with pots and pans over it, next to a counter with a bowl full of bright red and green apples, a pile of colorful fabrics, underneath of which there was a rusty old unicycle, and a desk with a candle, piles of parchment next to a quill pen and ink dish. Logrick handed Jasper a bowl and said “here” Jasper looked at it and smelt it, it smelt of sweet spice and fruit. “Thanks, what is it?” He asked, “I mashed up some apples from my trees out back, mixed in some flavorful leaves and some bark of a tree that smelt rather unique, like a spicy sweet, as well as a little honey, I call it apple sauce, I don’t know, I like it, tell me what you think”. Jasper took a bite, and his eyes widened, it was the sweetest thing he had ever tasted, tart, tangy, and just a little spicy. Then he spoke “This very well might be the best thing I have ever had, I must get the recipe, my mom would love this” “well you can take as many of those apples as you want I have plenty on the trees out back and come by tomorrow after your audition and I will show you how to identify the right other plants and such.” “Thanks, I definitely will, those apples would also be perfect for my act” “of course take anything you need”. After he finished his applesauce, he looked around, found a faded green and red shirt with a heart on the right sleeve, and came across that unicycle. “Can I use this stuff for my act? he asked “of course, like I said anything you need, also you are welcome to stay here for the night” Logrick replied “thank you so much with this stuff and that liquid laugh that Al gave me I’ll be a shoe in” Logrick rolled his eyes and said “you're either a shoe in or you're not, but that snake oil laughing potion won’t do a thing, except for maybe soften your hands” Jasper smiled and said well maybe soft hands is exactly what I need, I’ll have the softest hands of any of the peasants there and win on that alone” Logrick laughed and said “touche”.

    The next morning Jasper wrote some notes on the parchment and got his stuff together, as Logrick made them both another bowl of applesauce. As Jasper buttoned up the shirt, he had found he asked, “do you mind if I take your quill with me in case, I think of more to write as I am waiting, I will bring it back after and you can show me those tricks to identifying the plants?” Logrick said “not at all I wish you luck” “thank you very much, for everything, you’ve been incredibly kind” Jasper responded as he put the parchment and quill in his pocket, and began heading out the door before Logrick hollered “wait one more thing” as he ran over to Jasper before continuing “put your hands out” Jasper was confused, but did as Logrick dropped some honey from a spoon on them, still looking confused Logrick said with a smile “rub that in and you’ll have the softest and sweetest smelling hands of any peasant there, then you’ll be a shoe in for sure, no snake oil needed” Jasper laughed rubbed his hands together and said “touché”. As he approached the castle, he got nervous, which wasn’t helped when some guards yelled “HALT who goes there?” “Jasper Jester, here for the, well the jester auditions” Jasper answered “very well follow me” one of the guards said as the draw bridge came down and they walked through the castle courtyard into a small room full of other peasants in colorful attire, Jasper began to feel underdressed, one of the others there even had a hat with little bells on it, well at least none of them have soft hands that smell like honey he thought.

As the auditions started Jasper watched as the others performed, riding unicycles, juggling, and miming, but none were saying anything, no bits, no routines, just acts. That gave him an idea as he reached into his pocket, pulled out the parchment and quill and began to write about all the people he had met and the ideas he had heard. Jasper was the last to go on. He rode the unicycle out into the courtyard surrounded by noble lords and ladies and King Ridgerton above all front and center of course. As he rode the unicycle, he took a deep breath and thrust up and hopped the unicycle like a one-wheel wheelie. The crowd gasped and cheered which calmed Jasper down as he took out his apples and began juggling them, as he did, he let them fall into his mouth where he would take a bite and toss them back up with his head one at a time, until all the apples were cores. The crowd cheered, but the king seemed bored. 

After that he spoke “hey all I’m Jasper Jester, no relation” the crowd laughed and even the king chuckled as he continued “anyway gonna do something a little different here see I had quite the journey getting here and I would like to share that story with you. First I met a man, he was named Democratus, he offered me pheasant out of nowhere, and to you that might not sound like a lot, but as someone who grew up eating meat once a year and forgot it this year, believe me it was quite a treat” The crowd continued to laugh and cheer and even the king was beginning to perk up. Jasper continued “anyway we had some interesting discussions, touchy ones, see this man questioned the King, I know I know but here me out, see he wasn’t so much questioning the King's authority as he was the authority of the everyman. I told him that peasants suck at being King and believe me I know I’ve lived with them all my life, and well don’t tell anyone this, but I am one shh” the laughs continued to get louder and more consistent especially from the King. Jasper went on, “so ya peasants do suck at being king, and the king sucks, at being a peasant, you gotta let me finish or this is gonna sound real bad” The laughter continued getting more and more hysterical as Jasper continued his story. “And ya why wouldn’t he? see us peasants, shh, we aspire to be royalty, and I wonder what do you, the royals aspire too, it isn’t to be peasants is it? Cause if it is I gotta say, aim higher, it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.” The crowd was laughing and even the King was chuckling and smiling more consistently than he ever had as Jasper continued “Then I met this other man, well an alchemist, are they men? I don’t really know, any way he was named Al Chemist, a little on the nose but hey that's coming from a Jester named Jasper Jester so who am I to talk, any way this guy had snakes, like all kinds of snakes, I didn’t even know god made that many snakes and honestly I doubt if god even remembers making all of them. Anyway, he read my mind, apparently with gardener snake oil, then he showed me this other potion, he said that it, with merely a drop of some blood could make people perfectly understand how others feel and what they think, this sounded impressive to me until I realized, we already have a way of doing that right? Communication through language, it is arguably what I am doing here, minus the blood, your welcome”. This got an audible laugh from the King who at this point could not stop smiling. That’s what the third guy I met told me, he has this crazy idea that people get sick from invisible bugs in the water and stuff, like what? But he backs this up, I saw them, white worm like things, quite gross, boil your water, it’s gonna catch on trust me even the peasants will start doing it no time, but ya this Al Chemist guy, great dude, no hate, but he just sells this snake oil claiming it can do all these things and maybe it can, but he didn’t even offer me a telescope to see for myself, and I believed him, now I wonder though, I wonder in the future will people laugh at us laughing at the idea that little bugs cause illness? Will people like Al Chemist still be doing what they do? What do you think they’d be called in such a future, I’m thinking snake oil salesman, can you guess why?” At this point everyone including the King was laughing uncontrollably, as Jasper finished his story. “So look putting these things together, I think we all should listen to each other more, royalty to peasants and peasants to royalty, just communicate you know, and we’ll all be richer for it, and get to keep our blood, which should be compelling enough on its own. Anyway I know I know this sounds a little crazy, a bit touchy, but I have always been accused of being naive, of wearing my heart on my sleeve, which I really gotta stop doing, I should wear it under my pants, maybe I could even get one of you ladies to lend me a chastity belt for extra hard heart protection, huh?” Everyone continued to laugh as the ladies shook their heads and Jasper Closed out saying “what no, oh come on you're breaking my heart” as he showed his right sleeve and flexed until it ripped right in the middle of the heart”.

After the show people could not stop laughing, even the king could not hold his composure, he was retelling the jokes to himself and everyone else, even the guards who were supposed to just keep watch, couldn’t help but chuckle. It was announced that the winner would receive word within a fortnight. So, Jasper went to return the stuff he used to Logrick but he couldn’t find him, the cabin wasn’t even there. He did however pick some apples and find the spice tree and took some of the bark from it back home to his mother. As he walked, he came across Al Chemist’s wagon, in the same spot but old and broken, the letters faded, he just went inside as the door was gone and it looked like no one had been there in years. Strange that it would be abandoned after only a few days Jasper thought as he continued home. Approaching where he met Democratus, there was no sign that there had been any camp there, just trees and bushes where the fire was, no way they could’ve grown that fast. This was beginning to concern Jasper. I hope they are ok, he thought as he continued home. He walked into his house and said “mom, dad I killed it everyone was laughing hysterically. I think I have a good chance of getting the job. "" More than that” a well-dressed man said as he got up and turned around. “Oh my god” King Ridgerton” Jasper said as he began to kneel “no, no thanks but that’s very not necessary, unless you are repenting for taking the lord's name in vain” the King laughed, before continuing “your parents are packing, you will all be coming back with me, your rooms are being prepared along with a feast of mutton and pheasant, the pheasant was hard to find, haven't been in these woods for decades it seems, but don’t you worry I got some on the way it will be there when we arrive. “Oh my, thank you really, so I got the job then?” Jasper asked “like I said more than that, you know I usually don’t come out here myself but you not only made me laugh you inspired me, I am putting together a petition party, I came out here to select some of your peasant friends to be a part of it, I would like them to look over petitions that the rest of the peasants send to them and then every so often I will have  a meeting with them where they can bring the most urgent ones to my attention, like you said, we all need to start listening to each other more.” Jasper stood in shock for a long minute before the king said “now go lad go pack and then before we leave you can point out to me who you think best for this petition party” “Ok ya definitely” Jasper said as he ran to the back room to pack, before turning around and saying “one more thing, I hate to ask for more cause you have already done so much but I have a request for desert” “anything” the king responded, Jasper smiled and said “I will tell your chef how to make it, it is called, applesauce”

That was the day that Jasper Jester became the fool of Ridgerton, it was also the day democracies first seeds were planted, and what day was that? It was the first day of the fourth month, a day the world would come to remember as April Fool's Day. A day we too often overlook, a day we sometimes forget about, a day that somewhat ironically, we don’t take seriously enough, a day we just let pass by like any other. But this April Fool's Day and the rest to come I want you to try and remember Jasper Jester, his journey, his story and how jokes, entertainment, and even pranks can, sometimes, maybe just maybe CHANGE THE WORLD!!!

THE END